Jokes

Thinnest Books The Book Of Virtues By Bill Clinton The Amish Phone Directory Mike Tyson’s Guide To Dating Etiquette George Foreman’s Big Book Of Baby Names French Hospitality Everything Women Know About Men Everything Men Know About Women Dr. Kevorkian’s Collection Of Motivational Speeches Different Ways To Spell Bob Career Opportunities For Liberal Arts Majors [...]

Signs Of The 2000′s Before you criticize someone walk a mile in their shoes. That way if they get angry they’ll be a mile away — and barefoot. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before. My idea [...]

Things Adults Learn From Kids: There is no such thing as child-proofing your house. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. A 4 years-old’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant. 4 If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling [...]

Things you don’t want to hear during surgery: Better save that. We’ll need it for the autopsy. “Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness.” Bo! Bo! Come back with that. Bad dog! Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what’s that? Hand me that… uh… that uh… that thingy there. Oh no! [...]

You Are No Longer “Cool” When You find yourself listening to talk radio. You daughter says she got pierced and you look at her ears. The pattern on your shorts and couch match. You fondly remember your powder blue leisure suit. You think Tragically Hip is when a middle-aged man gets a new sports car, [...]

Creative Ways To Say Someone Is Stupid A few crumbs short of a crouton. A few clowns short of a circus. A few fries short of a Happy Meal. An experiment in Artificial Stupidity. A few beers short of a six-pack. A few peas short of a casserole. The wheel’s spinning, but the hamster’s dead. [...]

Ways to Terrorize a Telemarketer Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. “Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how’s your momma?” Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask them if [...]

Doesn’t It Annoy You When… …there’s a car alarm nearby that goes on for hours and the owner is nowhere to be found? …you buy an answering machine so you won’t miss any calls, and then everyone hangs up when they hear the machine answer? …there’s a cop car in sight and everyone thinks they [...]

Signs You Hired The Wrong Kid To Mow Your Lawn He shows up with a pair of nail clippers and a Ziploc bag. On the side of his mower you notice the stenciled silhouettes of thirteen cats. Stops frequently to nap inside the grass-catcher. Always trying to impress you by stopping the mower blades with [...]

Cards You Will Never See In Hallmark “Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife.” “How could two people as beautiful you have such an ugly baby?” “I’ve always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I’ve changed my mind.” “I must admit, you brought [...]