You Might Be A Bad Customer If:
You escort people out of line for having 11 items in the “10 items or less” lane.
You walk into a store at 10 minutes to close not knowing what you want and don’t decide for another 30 minutes.
You yell out what a GREAT TIPPER you are.
You […]
If AOL Were A City…
You’d live in a place where no two people had the same name.
You’d only pay $21.95 a month to live there, but half the time you tried to leave your house, the door would be stuck.
Once you got outside, even if you were in a hurry, you’d be assaulted […]
Signs You Took Y2K Too Serious
You didn’t find out that nothing happened for a week because you were holed up in your cellar.
You don’t have to go to the grocery store for a year.
You invited the local football team over to eat twice this week, and you still have food left!
You […]
You Might Be An Internet Addict If…
You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don’t have a clue as to when it happened.
Your bookmark list takes 15 minutes to go from top to bottom.
Your nightmares are in HTML and GIFS.
You turn off your modem […]
Excuses To Use When Caught Sleeping At Work
They told me at the blood bank that this might happen.
This is just a 15 minute power nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to.
I was working smarter - not harder.
Whew! I must have left the top off the […]
The AOL Car
The AOL car would have a TOP speed of 40 MPH yet have a 200 MPH speedometer.
The AOL car would come equipped with a NEW and fantastic 8-Track tape player.
The car would often refuse to start and owners would just expect this and try again later.
The windshield would have […]
You’re Drinking Too Much Coffee When . . .
Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
You ski uphill.
You get a speeding ticket even when you’re parked.
You speed walk in your sleep.
You have a bumper sticker that says: “Coffee drinkers are good in the sack.”
You answer the door before people knock. […]
Why Dogs Don’t Use Computers
Can’t stick their heads out of Windows ‘95.
Fetch command not available on all platforms.
Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side.
Too difficult to “mark” every website they visit.
Can’t help attacking the screen when they hear “You’ve Got Mail.”
Fire hydrant icon simply […]
Things Not To Do At A Hostage Negotiation
As Hostage Taker:
Demand to speak only with FBI agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully.
Have one of the hostages hold your gun while you make a quick trip to the bathroom.
Let one hostage go to the bathroom. When he doesn’t return, send the others to see […]
Things You’ll Never Hear A Dad Say
Well, how ’bout that?…I’m lost! Looks like we’ll have to stop and ask for directions.
You know Pumpkin, now that you’re thirteen, you’ll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won’t that be fun?
Here’s a credit card and the keys to my new car-GO CRAZY.
What do you […]