2007 July

Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung?
A: You can’t get a finger between the rope and his neck!

Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it? The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythological creatures.

An investment counselor went out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized she needed an in-house counsel, so she began interviewing young lawyers.
‘As I’m sure you can understand,’ she started off with one of the first applicants, ‘in a business like this, our personal […]

A lawyer named Impos Syble was shopping for a tombstone. After he had made his selection, the stonecutter asked him what inscription he would like on it.
“Here lies an honest man and a lawyer,” responded the lawyer.
“Sorry, but I can’t do that,” replied the stonecutter. “In this state, it’s against the law to […]

An independent woman started her own business. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in. Pretty soon she realized she needed an in-house counsel, and so she began interviewing young lawyers.
“As I’m sure you can understand,” she started off with one of the first applicants, “in a business like this, our personal integrity […]

A lawyer named Impos Syble was shopping for a tombstone. After he had made his selection, the stonecutter asked him what inscription he would like on it.
“Here lies an honest man and a lawyer,” responded the lawyer.
“Sorry, but I can’t do that,” replied the stonecutter. “In this state, it’s against the law to […]

Once a Pope and a lawyer died and they went to heaven. So God came and said, ‘Follow me and I will give you your rooms.’
So they both followed. First God gave the Pope his room. It was very small with a small bed and a small desk.
‘Thank you, thank you my lord,’ said […]

What do you call a lawyer with an I. Q. of 50? Your honor.
What do you call a lawyer whose gone bad? Senator.
What is the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline? You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline!
What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer? The […]

One day a lawyer was riding in his limosine when he saw a guy eating grass. He told the driver to stop. He got out and asked him, “Why are you eating grass?”
The man replied, “I’m so poor, I can’t afford anything thing to eat.”
So the layer said, “Poor guy, come back to […]

A biker walks into a yuppie bar and shouts, “All lawyers are assholes!” He looks around, obviously hoping for a challenge.
Finally a guy comes up to him, taps him on the shoulder, and says, “Take that back.”
The biker says, “Why? Are you a lawyer?”
“No, I’m an asshole.”