Animal Jokes

What’s worse than a giraffe with a stiff neck?
An elephant with a stuffed nose.

What’s grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow?
An elephant rolling down a hill with a daisy in its mouth!

How does a Penguin find the weather at the Arctic?
He just looks outside and there it is.

Two sheep in a field, one says, “Baaaaaaaa!”
The other says, “Damn! I was just going to say that!”

There were two Parrots on a Perch, and one says to the other, “Can you smell fish?”

What’s got two legs and bleeds?
Half a dog.

Two goats are out behind a movie studio eating old movie film. One goat says to the other, “Pretty good, huh?” The second goat says, “Yeah… but it’s not as good as the book.”

There’s two fish in a tank, one says to the other, “Do you know how to drive this?”

Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
Because he was tied to the second monkey.

Why did the second money fall out of the tree?
Because he was dead.