She asked Dr. Chang, “Doctor, please help me find out what’s wrong with me!”

So Dr. Chang said, “Take off all yur cwothes.”

So she did.

Then he said, “Now, get on yur hands and knees and crawl wreal fas away from me, ten craw wreal fas back to me.”

So the young lady did.

Dr. Chang looked at her said, “You got wreal bad case of Zachary disease.”

The lady asked, “What’s that?”

Dr. Chang replied, “That’s wen yur face lok zachary like yur ass”.

The Oriental fellow nodded his head. “You like steakee?”

The Oriental nodded again. As it turned out, the guest speaker at the dinner was our Oriental friend who got up and delivered a beautiful 50-minute address on the United Nations’ definition of “encouragement to self-reliance” by underdeveloped countries of the world. The speech was flawless in Oxford English.

He returned to his place at the head of the table, sat down, and turned to his dinner partner and said, “You like speechee?”

The big guy says, “That was a karate chop from Korea.”

The little guy thinks “GEEZ,” but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a sudden –WHACK– the big guy knocks him down AGAIN and says, “That was a judo chop from Japan.”

The little guy has had enough of this. He gets up, brushes himself off and quietly leaves. The little guy is gone for an hour or so when he returned. Without saying a word, he walks up behind the big idiot and –Bong!”– bangs the big guy off his stool, knocking him out cold!

The little guy looks at the bartender and says, “When he comes to, tell him that was a crowbar from K-Mart.”

Japanese President: We will go to the Nep

2. You love to go to $1.50 movies even more!

3. You hate to spend more than $5 for lunch.

4. You turn bright red after drinking 2 tablespoons of beer.

5. You can get a buzz on Coors Cutter, O’douls, or Miller Sharps.

6. You look like you are 18.

7. You always look up at women, if you are male.

8. You always look up at Chinese men, if you are female.

9. You live at your parents house, and you are not claimed as a dependent by them.

10. You sing Karaoke.

11. You leave the plastic on your lampshade for 10 years or more.

12. You love watching Connie Chung and Terilyn Joe.

13. You can’t bear to throw away things.

14. Your dad washes his hair 4 times a year.

15. You hate getting B’s.

16. Your house smells like preserved fish.

17. Your house smells like Chinese medicine.

18. You have about 12-20 uncles and aunts.

19. Your wife cuts your hair.

20. Your unassisted vision is worse than 20/500.

21. You wear contacts, to avoid wearing your “coke bottle glasses”.

22. You’ve worn glasses since you were in fifth grade.

23. You had a bowl cut before.

24. If you lose a dollar, you dwell upon it for more then 5 minutes.

25. Your parents own a restaurant, grocery store, or dry cleaner.

26. Your hair sticks up when you wake up.

27. You get a rush from getting a good deal.

28. You’ll make ridiculous offers when bargaining. (“I’ll give you $5 for that car”).

29. You’ll haggle over something that is not negotiable.

30. You love to use coupons.

31. You drive around looking for the cheapest gas.

32. You add twice the recommended amount of water when making orange juice from concentrate.

33. You’ll squeeze a toothpaste tube down to paper thin.

34. You’ll learned about sex from someone other then your parents.

35. You’ll be convinced your parents had sex as many times as required to produce you and your siblings.

36. You’ve never seen your parents kiss or hug.

37. You spend six months researching a $20 purchase.

38. You never buy stuff from the concession stands at the movies.

39. You tip 15% or less.

40. You never order dessert at restaurants.

41. You always ask for water when dining out.

42. You try not to use the bellhop, for fear of tipping.

43. You avoid the non-free snacks in hotel rooms.

44. You don’t mind squeezing 20 people into one motel room.

45. You want your dollar back from the friend who borrowed it right away.

46. You get the runs when you drink lots of milk.

47. Most girls have more body hair than you if you are male.

48. You speak “Chinglish”, which is 40% Chinese, 40% English, and 20% grunts.

49. Your parents don’t want you to move out when you turn 18.

50. Your parents want to live with you when they are old.

51. You say “Aiya!” and “Wah!” frequently.

52. You lie about your kids’ ages when going to a movie or amusement park.

53. You lie about your age to get a senior citizen’s discount.

54. You love Las Vegas, slot machines, and blackjack.

55. You love to play Mahjong.

56. You live like you don’t have a dime to your name.

57. You are constantly being set up with uninteresting people by your parents.

58. You can use the words “chink” and “chinaman” with impunity.

59. Your clothes smell like fried foods.

60. You talk at the top of your voice at all occasions.

61. You hate eating cheese.

62. You look forward to Saturday morning brunch at the Price Club free sample circuit.

63. You enjoy listening to sappy Hong Kong pop music.

64. You don’t mind working on Christmas, Thanksgiving, and New Year’s Day.

65. You are a Doctor, Lawyer, or Engineer.

66. The only High School team you were on was the chess club.

67. You don’t mind getting bad service, since you can justifiably tip less.

68. You don’t mind a 6 hour layover in Vancouver when flying from LA to DC so you can get the cheapest flight.

69. Your mom likes to load up on extra napkins, ketchup, and airline peanuts.

70. You like to wash plastic utensils and reuse them.

71. You lived in the back of your parents’ grocery store.

72. Your parents always get into these “no credit check” loan schemes with 20 other Chinese to drum up instant cash.

73. When you are at an all you can drink counter, you would fill your drink up to the top just before you leave.

74. You’re disappointed at your 4.8 GPA in HS – Darn shoulda been a 5.0!

75. You eat rice everyday.

76. You peel the price sticker off to see what the original price was before the sale.

77. You take anything that’s free – even if just to cover your desk drawers.

78. When you are at an American restaurant you put the tea bag in the pot of hot water, and not the cup.

79. You never turn on the heater in your house during winter and you tell everyone to wear more clothes.

80. You never use the drier when you have one and you air-dry all your clothes.

81. Your relatives save Saran Wrap to “get the grease off above the stove”, but you know they reuse it.

82. You have more than four grandparents.

83. You can bathe out of a plastic tub in the middle of a tile bathroom floor.

84. Air conditioner? What air conditioner?

85. Your parents own a grocery store, restaurant, jewelry store, or video store, but you have to be a doctor, lawyer, or engineer.

86. You think store hours are only a general guideline.

87. You want to drive a Volvo or Mercedes.

88. Your parents feel the need to rationalize why you’re not going to Stanford.

89. Your medicine cabinet is overflowing with expired drugs just case.

90. You think crushed ice is a dessert.

91. Your parents are convinced that everyone is out to get them.

92. You wear slippers that make thwapping noises.

93. You gossip about anything with anyone.

94. You have plush toys in the back window of your car.

95. You cheer every time you see a Chinese person on TV

96. Your mom is always renting those videotapes of Chinese soap operas.

97. You eat all those weird candies. (White rabbit, sugus, gummy things, dried plums).

98. Your parents use all those Chinese medicines. (Man Gum Yau, Bak Fa Yau).

99. You have a home Karaoke system.

100. You wear an article of clothing at least twice before you consider washing it.

101. Your parents have no concept of bacteria or food poisoning.

102. You were always too modest to take showers in gym class.

103. Every other Asian kid at your elementary school, according to your classmates, was either your love interest or related to you.

104. Every time you barf, you’re amazed at how much rice you see.

105. You can only wish that the size of your manhood (or your boobs) was directly proportional to your IQ.

106. If it weren’t for the invention of gel, every day would be a bad hair day.

107. As a kid, you hated running into your friends at the supermarket when you were with your parents.

108. Your parents talk WAY too loud.

109. You insist on being called “Asian” rather than “Oriental”.

110. Everyone in your school assumed you were smart, rich, celibate, and knew karate.

111. If you’ve ever entertained the thought of going to China to find a spouse.

112. You mourn the cancellation of the show “Vanishing Son”.

When he returned, the second monk stood up and said, “I forgot to put my the other underwear to dry.” He too walked calmly across the water and returned the same way. The third monk watched the first two carefully in what he decided must be the test of his own abilities. “Is your learning so superior to mine? I too can match any feat you two can perform,” he declared loudly and rushed to the water’s edge to walk across it. He promptly fell into the deep water.

Undeterred, the yogi climbed out of the water and tried again, only to sink into the water. Yet again he climbed out and yet again he tried, each time sinking into the water. This went on for some time as the other two monks watched.

After a while, the second monk turned to the first and said, “Do you think we should tell him where the stones are?”

The Korean replied: Please ask the Indian to eat beef then we will stop eating dogs.

The U.S shook his head and turned to the Japanese: Please stop eating whale .

The Japanese replied: Well, please ask the Muslims to eat pork then we will stop eating whale.

The U.S shook his head and turned to the Vietnamese: What do you eat, sir?

The Vietnamese replied: Like the Chinese, we eat all animals including their eggs, eyes, ears, tails, feet, legs except table legs. We are the greatest food saver, sir

While the Chinese controlled the economy and they called their party MCA which means “Money Conquered All”.

Lastly, the Indian who has no say in politic or economics, set up their party called MIC. Hence, every parliamentary meeting the Indians would ask: “Must I Come?”

“If there was no moon we would not be able to see anything at night. The sun shines only during the day when we need no light.”