Aviation Jokes

Acronyms for International Airlines
Italy
ALITALIA = Always Late In The Air, Late In Arrival
ALITALIA = Arrived Late In Turin, And Luggage In Australia
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Britain
BOAC = Better on a camel
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Belgium
SABENA = Such A Bloody Experience Never Again
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Pakistan
PIA = Please, Inform Allah
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Yugoslavia
JAT = Joke About Time
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Pacific Western Airlines
PWA = Pray While Aloft
PWA = Please Wait Awhile Airlines
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Trans World Airlines […]

“Squawks” are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. Here are some squawks submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.
(P) = Problem (S) = Solution
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(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire
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(P) Test flight OK, […]

As a crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a 5-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.
Suddenly, from the […]

An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the […]

You’ll Know It’s a No-Frills Airline If:
They don’t sell tickets, they sell chances.
All the insurance machines in the terminal are sold out.
Before the flight, the passengers get together and elect a pilot.
If you kiss the wing for luck before boarding, it kisses you back.
You cannot board the plane unless you have the exact change.
Before you […]

All of these pilot and aviation jokes get me to thinking about my first skydiving instructor. During class he would always take the time to answer any of our stupid first-timer questions.
One guy asked, “If our chute doesn’t open, and the reserve doesn’t open, how long do we have until we hit the ground?”
Our jump […]

A blonde went to a flight school insisting that she wanted to learn to fly. As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her by radio on how to pilot the solo helicopter. He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics, and sent […]

Sue and Bob, a pair of tight wads, lived in the mid west, and had been married years.
Bob had always want to go flying. The desire deepen each time a barn stormer flew into town to offer rides.
Bob would ask, and Sue would say, “No way, ten dollars is ten dollars.”
The years went pay, and […]

I have a friend who is a pilot on a 747.
I said “Hi Jack.”
He shot me.

The most dangerous organization in America today is:
a) The KKK
b) The American Nazi Party
c) The Delta Frequent Flyer Club