Jokes

How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw them.

How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu? If it’s the flu, you’ll get better

The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why? ‘Cause you’re fatter than they are.

What’s more fun than spinning a dead baby on a clothes rack at 100mph? Stopping it with a cricket bat.

Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labour? Not unless the word “alimony” means anything to you.

How long is the average woman in labour? Whatever she says divided by two.

What’s grosser than piling dead babies onto a cart with a pitchfork? Piling live babies onto a cart with a pitchfork.

What’s got four wheels, smokes and squeals? A bus load of babies on fire.

What is the difference between a Ferrari and a pile of dead babies? I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.

What’s the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a model? Nothing, if the pregnant woman’s husband knows what’s good for him.