Bar Jokes

A woman went into a bar and asked for a double entendre.
So the landlord gave her one.

A snake slithers into a bar and the bartender says, “I’m sorry but I can’t serve you.”
“Why not?” asks the snake. The bartender says, “Because you can’t hold your liquor…”

A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer.
The beer is poured, and the neutron asks how much it owes. “For you,” the bartender answers, “no charge.”

A man walks into a bar swinging a set of jumper leads above his head. The barman looks over and says “You’re not going to start anything in here, mate!”

A mushroom walks into a bar. He sits next to a beautiful woman and tries to pick her up. He gives her a few cheap lines, and she replies “Get out of here, I don’t want nothing to do with you!” Then the mushroom says, “What’s the matter? I’m a fun-gi!”

A man walks into a bar and says, “Who the bloody hell put that there?”

A Golf Club walks into a local bar and asks the barman for a pint of Beer. The barman refuses to serve him. “Why can’t I have a Beer?” asks the golf club.
“You’ll be driving later,” replies the bartender.

A fag walks into a straight bar. The bartender says, “Get out of here, I don’t serve fags!” The fag asks, “Is it alright if I just sit in the corner?” The bartender accepts, and the fag sits in the corner. A few hours later, a cowboy walks in and says, “I’m so thirsty […]

A blind man with a seeing eye dog walks into a bar. The blind man picks up the dog and starts swinging it around. The bartender asks, “What are you doing?” The man replies “Looking around

A number twelve walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.
“Sorry I can’t serve you,” states the barman.
“Why not?!” asks the number twelve with anger showing in its voice.
“You’re under 18,” replies the barman.