In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller, one guy suddenly started massaging the back of the person in front of him.
Surprised, the man in front turned and snarled, “Just what the heck do you think you are doing?”
“Well”, said the guy, “you see, I am a chiropractor and I [...]
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and then hand the rest of the lemon over.
Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would [...]
Bob goes to his friend to ask for advice. Bob tells the friend he is to be audited by the IRS, and is wondering how he shoud dress. Should he wear a suit, so as to look professional, or should he wear old raggedy clothes so that he looks like he has no money and [...]
Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary.
Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. Knives were up sharply.
Cows steered into a bull market. Pencils lost a few points.
Hiking equipment was trailing.
Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.
Weights were up in heavy trading.
Light switches were off.
Mining equipment [...]
Version 1:
How many stockbrokers does it take to change a light bulb?
“My God! It burnt out!! Sell all my G.E. stock NOW!!!”
Version 2:
How many stockbrokers does it take to change a light bulb?
Two all up. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it [...]
A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who’s dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses this guy, “Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?”
The guy replies, “I’m [...]
noc noc.
whose there?
In
in who?
India!
A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.
“I have just the thing,” says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. “Just place this between your cheek and gum.”
The [...]
The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, “You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”
“Why?”
“Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.”
Two Yuppettes were shopping. When they started to discuss their home lives, one said,
“Seems like all Alfred and I do anymore is fight. I’ve been so upset I’ve lost 20 pounds.”
“Why don’t you just leave him then?” asked her friend.
“Oh! Not yet.” the first replied, “I’d like to lose at least another fifteen pounds first.”