A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the little girl asked for cookies and her mother told her, “No.” The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, “Now Monica, we just have […]
Why did God create economists?
To make weathermen look good.
“Give me a one-armed economist!” demanded President Harry S. Truman.
President Truman was the first president to appoint a council of economic advisers. Unlike some later presidents, he actually liked to liste n to his policy advisers. However, he preferred a clear recommendation, not a long discussion of the advantages a nd disadvantages of a […]
“My Dear, would you go to bed with me for a million dollars?”
“Well, yes, I guess I would.”
“How about $100?”
“What kind of person do you think I am?”
“My Dear, we have already established that. We are merely haggling over the price!”
How can we balance the budget overnight?
Easy. Put a tax on sex.
Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday, and I wasn’t feeling too hot that morning anyway. I went down to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say “Happy Birthday,” and probably have a present for me.
She didn’t even say “Good Morning,” let alone any “Happy Birthday.” I thought, “Well, that’s wives for you. […]
Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday, and I wasn’t feeling too hot that morning anyway. I went down to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say “Happy Birthday,” and probably have a present for me.
She didn’t even say “Good Morning,” let alone any “Happy Birthday.” I thought, “Well, that’s wives for you. […]
1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
2. If it’s really a ‘rush job,’ run in and interrupt me every ten minutes to inquire how it’s going. That helps.
3. Always leave without telling anyone where you’re going. […]
Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. “Boss,” he says, “we’re doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff.”
“We’re short-handed, Smith” the boss replies. “I can’t give you the day off.”
For thirty years, Johnson had arrived at work at 9A.M. on the dot. He had never missed a day and was never late.
Consequently, when on one particular day 9 A.M. passed without Johnson’s arrival, it caused a sensation. All work ceased, and the boss himself, looking at his watch and muttering, came out into […]