Jokes » Children Jokes

The Toy

Administrator — Tue, 26 Jul 2005 11:37:37 +0000

The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present. “Who is the most obedient?” he asked. “Who never talks back to mother? Who does everything she says?”

Five small voices answered in unison. “Okay, dad, you get the toy.”

Little Boy For Breakfast

Administrator — Tue, 26 Jul 2005 11:36:37 +0000

A little boy comes down for breakfast and his mother asks if he had done his chores. “Not yet,” says the little boy.

His mother tells him that until he completes them, he won’t be getting any breakfast.

Well, he’s a little angry, so he goes to feed the chickens and kicks one. He goes to feed the cows, and kicks a cow as well. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig.

He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. “How come I don’t get any eggs and bacon? Why don’t I have any milk in my cereal?” he asks.

“Well,” his mother says, “I saw you kick a chicken, so you don’t get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don’t get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren’t getting any milk.”

Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat half way across the kitchen.

The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile and says, “Are you going to tell him, or shall I?”

Ashamed

Administrator — Tue, 26 Jul 2005 11:35:52 +0000

“I’m ashamed of you,” the mother said. “Fighting with your best friend is a terrible thing to do!” “He threw a rock at me!” the boy said. “So I threw one at him.” The mother stated emphatically, “When he threw a rock at you, you should have come to me.” The boy quickly replied, “What good would that have done? My aim is much better than yours.”

Surprise

Administrator — Tue, 26 Jul 2005 11:34:54 +0000

Little Johnny runs into the farm-house where his mum and grandma
are Shelling peas Little Johnny runs in and yells

Visiting kindergarten

Administrator — Tue, 26 Jul 2005 11:31:43 +0000

Visiting kindergarten
Little Tommy’s kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station. There they saw pictures tacked to a big bulletin board. The label clearly read, “The 10 Most Wanted.”

One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.

“Yes,” said the policeman, “the detectives want him very badly.”

So Little Tommy asked, while tugging on the man’s belt, “Um, mister, why didn’t you keep them when you took their pictures?”

Kids say…..

Administrator — Tue, 26 Jul 2005 11:30:59 +0000

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY?
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kid.
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don’t want any more kids.

The bug on the windsheild

Administrator — Tue, 26 Jul 2005 11:28:11 +0000

A man and a woman were driving down the road arguing about his deplorable fidelity practices when suddenly, the woman reaches over and slices off the mans penis and angrily tosses it out the window of the car.

Driving behind the car is a pickup truck with a man and his 10 year old daughter chatting away beside him. All of the sudden, the penis smacks the pickup in the windshield and flies off.

Surprised, the daughter asks her daddy, “Daddy what in the heck was that ?!?”

Not wanting to expose his 10 year old daughter to sex at such a tender age, the father replies, “It was only a bug, honey.”

The daughter gets a confused look on her face, and after a minute, she says. “Sure had a big dick.”

Smiths Very Poor Family

Administrator — Tue, 26 Jul 2005 11:01:28 +0000

Mum, are the Smiths very poor people?
I don’t think so, Jimmy. Why do you ask?
Because they made such a fuss when their baby swallowed a coin

Gynecologist

Administrator — Tue, 26 Jul 2005 11:00:51 +0000

When the gynecologist confirmed her suspicion that she was pregnant, Celeste got a little scared. “It’ll be my first baby,” she confessed with a blush, “and actually I don’t know the first thing about how babies are delivered.” “Don’t worry about a thing,” reassured the doctor. “It’s really not all that different from how the baby got started in the first place.” Startled, Celeste exclaimed, “You mean twice around the park with my legs hanging out of the cab?”

Drop the Baby

Administrator — Tue, 26 Jul 2005 11:00:14 +0000

Why did you drop the baby?
Well, Mrs Smith said he was a bonny bouncing baby, so I wanted to see if he did.