Jokes » Chinese Jokes

You Never Know When You Will Need A Spare Liver

Administrator — Wed, 27 Jul 2005 11:01:55 +0000

China – Ah… Capitalism is alive and well in China as a southern Chinese hospital sells livers from executed prisoners to wealthy Asian transplant patients.

A Hong Kong newspaper reported on Sunday that undercover reporters were urged to book a liver from a good young prisoner during the current spate of mass executions that precedes the Chinese New Year.

Our experience tells us that there are many organs before the Lunar New Year, a doctor from the Sun Yat Sen University Hospital in Guangzhou told the South China Sunday Morning Post. If you miss this chance, you may have to wait until Labor Day. China has always insisted that donations are voluntary. But doctors from the hospital told the Post that consent was not required for criminals and most organs came from executed prisoners.

The hospital, which subsequently denied the doctors comments, charges about 20,000 pounds for a liver transplant.

Yo Mama

Administrator — Wed, 27 Jul 2005 10:59:31 +0000

Yo momma is so stupid, she thought that ping pong balls are a venereal disease from China

Wings And Wongs

Administrator — Wed, 27 Jul 2005 10:57:51 +0000

The government of China announced today, that they would be removing all telephones from their country. After 6 months of hard lobbying, the organization for Independent Speech has convinced Chinese politicians to take this action.

They argued that there are too many Wings and Wongs and that many people are becoming annoyed when others Wing the Wong number.

Wine of Eternal Life

Administrator — Wed, 27 Jul 2005 10:57:11 +0000

During the Wu Han Dynasty, the imperial court had an articles of tribute which included a glass of wine that was supposed to give the drinker eternal life. One day, a guy named Dongfang Shuo drank some of the wine thinking that nobody had seen him. Unfortunately, the King learnt about his act and was furious. He decided to put Dongfang Shuo to death.

Dongfang Shuo pleaded the King: “My Lord, the wine I drank was supposed to give me eternal life. That means I wouldn’t die even if you kill me. If I should die, then the wine is not the real wine of eternal life.”

The King was amused by what Dongfang Shuo said and he pardoned him.

Whom Will I Depend On?

Administrator — Wed, 27 Jul 2005 10:42:04 +0000

There once was an old man aged 50, who had a lazy son aged 30. The son couldn’t earn his own living, and still depended on his old father for food and clothing.

The old man was very worried about him, so he took him to the fortune teller to have his fortune told. The father and son both belie the fortune teller’s prediction that the father would live to 80 and the son to 62.

After having found out how long they were going to live the son was very sad. His father comforted him.

“Don’t be so sad! You are only 30 now, and still have 32 years of good days ahead of you.”

“I’m not worrying about my own age. It’s just your age which causes me great anxiety,” the son said.

Upon hearing his words, the father was deeply moved, and in tears said, “Don’t worry about me so much I’ve got 30 years ahead of me too.”

“I’m not worried about your age either,” said the son, “I have figured out that you’ll die two years earlier than I. So whom will I depend on in the two years after your death?”

Wearing A Felt Hat In The Summer

Administrator — Wed, 27 Jul 2005 10:41:12 +0000

A man wearing a felt hat was walking under the broiling sun of midsummer. When he came upon a tall tree by the roadside, he decided to take a rest under its leafy shade.

Taking off his felt hat and fanning himself with it, he said: “Thanks to this felt hat. I would have had a heatstroke without it.”

Want Rice With That?

Administrator — Wed, 27 Jul 2005 10:40:29 +0000

A friend told me that many of the servers in Chinese restaurants are brought to the U.S. by a company that specializes in “importing” Chinese immigrants. They are hired in their home land, brought to the U.S., trained in restaurant work, and hired out to restaurants for a period of several years to pay off the transportation and training costs. Sort of like the indentured servants of the American colonial period. The immigrants receive transport and training, the restaurants receive pre-screened, trained staff, and the company turns a profit.

After hearing this, it seems to me that name of the company should be obvious: “Hunan Resources.”

Two Chinese Women At A Bar

Administrator — Wed, 27 Jul 2005 10:39:29 +0000

Two Chinese women were sitting in a bar when they saw two guys fighting over which culture is smartest. When the women heard this they went over and the first lady said,” We know a way to figure out which culture is the smartest.”

The second lady answered, “Yes we do. The way you figure it out is by seeing which culture uses the less utensils in eating.” The men quickly agreed to listen to the women.

The first lady said,” Well the Indians use their hands to eat but their hands have five fingers each so they use ten utensils to eat. They aren’t the smartest so next come the Americans. They use a fork but there are four tongs on the fork, so they use four utensils. Now come the Chinese. We use chopsticks and there are only two sticks so we are the smartest.”

As the lady finished the men sat puzzled for a second then agreed that Chinese were the smartest.

As they left, the second lady said to the first, “That was a good way to get a date and them thinking that we are the smartest.”

That teaches us that Chinese are the smartest culture.

Traitor

Administrator — Wed, 27 Jul 2005 10:38:35 +0000

Khrushchev says to Zhou Enlai, “The difference between the Soviet Union and China is that I rose to power from the peasant class, whereas you came from the privileged Mandarin class.”

Zhou replies, “True. But there is this similarity. Each of us is a traitor to his class.”

Three Sentences Spoiled A Banquet

Administrator — Wed, 27 Jul 2005 10:37:54 +0000

A rich man invited four friends to a banquet to celebrate his birthday. It was already noon-time, but only Zhang, Wang and Li had come; his friend Zhao did not appear, even though they waited a long time.

The rich man said anxiously, “Why isn’t the one who should have come here?”

His friend Zhang, an impetuous person, was very much upset at his words and said to the rich man, “If the one who should have come isn’t present, then I am the one who should not have come. All right, good-bye.” And with this, he went away in a huff.

The rich man then said, even more anxiously, “The one who should not have left has left.”

These words aroused Wang’s suspicion, so he said, “You said the one who should not have left has left. Does that imply that I am the one who should have left? All right, I have to say good-bye, too.”

The remaining friend, Li, advised the rich man goodheartedly, “You should learn what to say and what not to say; otherwise, you will annoy your guests and send them away without your wishing it.”

The rich man, hearing this, said, “Those two are too suspicious and misunderstood my words. I didn’t mean them.”

Now it was Li’s turn to flare up. “So it is I who should not have come; it is also I who should have left.” And with this, away he went.