Jokes

A professor at the University is giving a seminar on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks them, “How many folk here believe in ghosts?” About 80 students raise their hands. “That’s a good start,” says the professor, “For those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you’ve ever [...]

A lecturer teaching medicine was tutoring a class on ‘Observation’. He took out a jar of yellow-colored liquid. “This”, he explained, “is urine. To be a doctor, you have to be observant to color, smell, sight, and taste.” After saying this, he dipped his finger into the jar and put it into his mouth. His [...]

According to a radio report, a middle school in Oregon was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the restroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little [...]

Instructions: Read each question carefully. Answer all questions. Time limit: 2 hours. Begin immediately. Art: Given one eight-count box of crayons and three sheets of notebook paper, recreate the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. Skin tones should be true to life. Biology: Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this form of [...]

1. Ten percent of all car thieves are left-handed 2. All polar bears are left-handed 3. If your car is stolen, there’s a 10 percent chance it was taken by a Polar bear 1. 39 percent of unemployed men wear spectacles 2. 80 percent of employed men wear spectacles 3. Work stuffs up your eyesight [...]

Theorem: All numbers are equal. Proof: Choose arbitrary a and b, and let t = a + b. Then a + b = t (a + b)(a – b) = t(a – b) a^2 – b^2 = ta – tb a^2 – ta = b^2 – tb a^2 – ta + (t^2)/4 = b^2 – [...]

Theorem: 1$ = 10 cent Proof: We know that $1 = 100 cents Divide both sides by 100 $ 1/100 = 100/100 cents => $ 1/100 = 1 cent Take square root both side => squr($1/100) = squr (1 cent) => $ 1/10 = 1 cent Multiply both side by 10 => $1 = 10 [...]

Theorem: 3=4 Proof: Suppose: a + b = c This can also be written as: 4a – 3a + 4b – 3b = 4c – 3c After reorganizing: 4a + 4b – 4c = 3a + 3b – 3c Take the constants out of the brackets: 4 * (a+b-c) = 3 * (a+b-c) Remove the [...]

1. If someone calls while you are on the phone, do not answer the call waiting signals, after all your conversation to your boyfriend’s, cousin’s, sister’s, ex-best friend’s, father-in-law’s, stepson is probably too important to be interrupted. 2. Of course there is no need to record any messages on a piece of paper. a. you [...]

A LITTLE PRACTICE IN THE MORGUE A student of proctology is in the morgue one day after classes, wanting to get a little practice in before the final exams. He goes over to a table where a body is lying face down. He uncovers the sheet over the body, and to his surprise he finds [...]