Jokes » Computer Jokes

Unix expert and sex

Administrator — Wed, 03 Aug 2005 10:17:33 +0000

How does a UNIX expert have sex?
Unzip; strip; touch; finger; mount; fsck; more; yes; unmount; sleep.

Seuss explains computers

Administrator — Wed, 03 Aug 2005 10:17:04 +0000

Many of you have wondered why a computer crashes. It is usually very technical but maybe this will help. Dr. Seuss Explains Why Computers Sometimes Crash.

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is interrupted at a very last resort, and the access of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, and your data is corrupted cause the index doesn’t hash, then your situation’s hopeless and your system’s gonna crash!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, but your packets want to tunnel to another protocol, that’s repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall, and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse; then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, ‘cuz sure as I’m a poet, the sucker’s gonna hang!

When the copy on your floppy’s getting sloppy in the disk, and the macro code instructions cause unnecessary risk, then you’ll have to flash the memory and you’ll want to RAM your ROM then quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your Mom!

Printer problems

Administrator — Wed, 03 Aug 2005 10:16:31 +0000

A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was “running it under Windows.” The woman then responded, “No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working fine.”

Halloween or Christmas

Administrator — Wed, 03 Aug 2005 10:16:06 +0000

Why can’t Computer Scientists tell the difference between Halloween and Christmas?
Because 31 OCT. = 25 DEC.

First computer club

Administrator — Wed, 03 Aug 2005 10:15:38 +0000

Who started the first computer club?
Eve, she had an apple in one hand and a Wang in the other

Computer strings walk into a bar

Administrator — Wed, 03 Aug 2005 10:15:15 +0000

These two strings walk into a bar and sit down.
The bartender says, “So what’ll it be?”
The first string says, “I think I’ll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdkCjfdLk jk3s d#f67howeU r89nvyowmc63Dz x.xvcu”
“Please excuse my friend,” the second string says, “He isn’t null-terminated.”

Computer and an ape

Administrator — Wed, 03 Aug 2005 10:14:48 +0000

What do you get when you cross a computer with an ape?
A Harry (hairy) reasoner.

Blonde wants a curtain

Administrator — Wed, 03 Aug 2005 10:14:22 +0000

A blonde walked into a computer shop one day and asked the shop assistant for a curtain to fit her 15 inch computer monitor. The assistant said, “Why do you want a curtain for your computer screen?”
To which the blonde replies, “I’ve got Windows”.

A great writer

Administrator — Wed, 03 Aug 2005 10:13:19 +0000

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define “great” he said, “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!” He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

PBS Virus

Administrator — Fri, 29 Jul 2005 06:56:24 +0000

Your computer stops every few minutes to ask for money.