Jokes

What’s brown and white and flops on the beach? A Filipino and a seagull fighting over a fish! What is a Filipino’s idea of devastation? It’s where you catch de bus. How does a Filipino use “devastation” in a sentence? Hoy auntie, don’t you have to go buy your ticket at “DEVASTATION”? (get it the [...]

There were three men on an airplane. It was an African man, Mexican man, and a Filipino man. The African man began making conversation by tel

Pinoy goes to order breakfast at a coffee shop in Manhattan… Waiter: “What kind of coffee would you like, regular or decaf?” Pinoy: “No… Big cup! Big cup!” Waiter: “What would you like for your breakfast?” Pinoy: “Hameneggs.” Waiter: “And how do you like your eggs, sir?” Pinoy: “Yes, tenkyu, I like dem beri much.” [...]

One morning, a Filipino lady was doing her laundry and she went outside to hang the clothes to dry. When she went outside, she noticed that her son was playing around the perimeter of the pool. She was very concerned that he might fall in because he didn’t know how to swim. So in a [...]

One day, a farmer s horse had died and he needed another horse to pull his plow. As the farmer was walking down the road, he saw a horse eating grass in the pasture and questioned the owner. “How much money would you like for that horse?” The Filipino man replied, “He not por sale. [...]

For the finals of the Australian Cow Milking Championship, an Australian, a German and a Filipino were given 15 minutes each to milk as much as they could from cows assigned to them. After 15 minutes … “Australian contestant, how much did you get?” “A gallon,” the contestant shouted. Palakpakan. “German contestant, how much?” “A [...]

It is said that there is a magic mirror in Malacaᮧ that slaps anybody who tells a lie. Sen. Juan Flavier passed by the mirror and said “I think I’m tall,” and the mirror slapped him. Then came Vice President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo. “I think I’m the prettiest woman in the Cabinet,” and the mirror [...]

A nurse who works here in America, New York to be exact, wanted to make an overseas phone call, so she dialed the operator… Nurse: “Operator I would like to place an overseas call to the Philippines”. Operator: “OK, miss, what is your name?” Nurse: “Maria Quintero” Operator: “Could you please spell your last name [...]

There once was a Filipino man who worked at the grocery store and noticed that someone left their lights on their vehicle. He decided to be a good Samaritan and announced the following over the intercom system: “excush mae, der eez a ca wit de lights on, license phlate numbearrr, LBQ123, El as in elepant, [...]

A judicial clerk in a small and far-flung provincial court had to translate, from Tagalog to English, the following passage uttered by a witness: “Pagkatapos ng kung ano-ano ay nagdatingan ang kung sino-sino!” Confidently and simply, the clerk wrote: “After the what-what came the who-who!”