Jokes

These are actual newspaper headlines gathered from papers across the country. Stud Tires Out Prostitutes Appeal to Pope Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again British Left Waffles on Falkland islands Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms Eye Drops off Shelf Teacher Strikes Idle Kids Reagan Wins on Budget, But [...]

These are actual newspaper headlines gathered from papers across the country. Include your Children when Baking Cookies Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents Farmer [...]

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations. At my University’s Student center Bathrooms: “If you see four feet instead of two under the bathroom door, please notify it immediately to the University Police.” In the hallway of a High School in New Jersey “Our School: Commitment, Responsibility, Attitude, Persistance.” Road sign [...]

These are supposedly actual signs that have been found in and around parts of England. Notice in a field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES Message on a leaflet: IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS Sign on a repair shop [...]

These are supposedly actual signs that have been found in and around parts of England. Seen at the side of a Sussex road: SLOW CATTLE CROSSING. NO OVERTAKING FOR THE NEXT 100 YRS. Outside a disco: SMARTS IS THE MOST EXCLUSIVE DISCO IN TOWN. EVERYONE WELCOME Sign warning of quicksand: QUICKSAND. ANY PERSON PASSING THIS [...]

These are supposedly actual signs that have been found in and around parts of England. Sign in a Laundromat AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT Sign in a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS In an office: WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING [...]

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations. An ad on the subway in NYC: “Learn to read and speak English. Call us now.” An Amelia Island, FL, podiatrist: “Emergency Foot Surgery- Walk-ins Welcomed.” Sign over a restroom in a restaurant: “Used beer department.” On a store front in Florida: “Your one [...]

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations. At a restaurant in New York: “Tip-ing is not a city in China.” Here is a great sign I saw in the grocery store: “Snickers, 5 for 1.00$.(limit 4)” On a dock in Juneau, Alaska: “Safety ladder, climb at own risk.” Seen on an [...]

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations. Sign in the office of a Roman doctor: “Specialist in women and other diseases.” Sign in a Tokyo shop: “Our nylons cost more than common, but you’ll find they are best in the long run.” Sign from a Japanese booklet about using a hotel [...]

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations. Sign in a Rome laundry: “Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time. Sign in the window of a Swedish furrier: “Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.” Sign on the box of a clockwork toy made [...]