Reasons why it’s great to be a guy
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.
Monday Night Football.
Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
You can open all your own jars.
Old friends don’t annoy you if you’ve lost or gained weight. […]
HIS and HERS Road Trip
HERS:
Pulls off at wrong exit.
opens window
asks directions of a knowledgeable police officer
Arrives at destination presently.
HIS:
Pulls off at wrong exit absolutely positive it’s the correct one.
Drives five miles into wilderness, still thinks he’s right.
Drives an extra 5 miles just in case.
Finally rolls […]
These translations are for all of you wonderful women out there, so that you will know what we really mean when we say…
“IT’S A GUY THING”
Translated:* “There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.”
“CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?”
Translated:* “Why isn’t it already on […]
Some reasons why a modem is better than a woman:
A modem doesn’t ask for a commitment if you use it. Getting a modem to obey you is as simple as typing “AT”.
When you’re done using your modem, you can roll over and go to sleep without feeling guilty.
A modem won’t say a word if you […]
Reason’s why it’s great to be a woman
Free drinks.
Free dinners.
Free movies.
Speeding ticket? What’s that?
New lipstick gives you a whole new lease on life.
If you have to be home in time for Melrose Place, you can say so, out loud.
If you’re not making enough money you can blame the […]
Continuing Education Courses for Women
Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before.
The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits.
Parties: Going Without New Outfits.
Man Management: Discover How Minor Household Chores Can Wait Until After the Game.
Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too.
Bathroom Etiquette II: His […]
WOMEN’S COMPACT INSTRUCTION BOOK
Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless.
Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany.
Don’t imagine you can change a man - unless he’s in diapers.
What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
So […]
“WOMEN SEEKING MEN” Classifieds
40-ish means: 48
Adventurer means: Has had more partners than you ever will
Affectionate means: Possessive
Artist means: Unreliable
Average looking means: You figure this one out
Beautiful means: Pathological liar
Commitment-minded means: Pick out curtains, now!
Communication important means: Just try to get a word in edgewise
Contagious Smile means: Bring your penicillin
Educated means: College dropout
Emotionally Secure means: Medicated
Employed […]
SEMINARS FOR WOMEN
In response to the seminar offerings by the female staff, the male staff has created a set of courses for females of all marital status.
The following courses will be offered:
General Education:
GE101: Why the Toilet Seat Has Hinges
GE102: Checkbook Balancing (formerly “Remedial Third Grade Arithmetic”)
GE103: How to Drive […]
MCDONELL DOUGLASS
AIRCRAFT-SPACE SYSTEMS-MISSILES
Important! Important!
Please fill out and mail this card
within tee days of purchase.
Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell
Douglas military aircraft. In order
to protect your new investment, please
take a few moments to fill out the
warranty registration card below.
Answering the survey questions is not
required, but the information will help
us to develop new products that best
meet […]