Ashley looked troubled and said “I don’t know Mr. President. I have heard some pretty bad things about you. I don’t think that would be a good idea.”

“Nonsense” said the President. “It’s just a clock.” Ashley agreed and the President led her into the Oval Office where they were alone. He closed the door, dropped his pants, and pulled it out. Ashley gasped.

“Oh that’s not the Presidential Clock, that’s the Presidential Cock!”

To which the President responded, “Ashley, honey, once you put a face and two hands on it, it’s a clock!”

Reagan takes him in a deep forest and says. “Dig the ground.”

Zail Singh digs.

Reagan says, “More, more, more…”

Zail Singh has now reached a 100 feet.

Reagan says, “So now, did you find anything?”

Zail Singh, “I got a wire!”

Reagan says, “You see, it shows that even 200 years ago we used to have telephones!”

Zail Singh was very frustrated and he invited Reagan to India.

In India GyaniJi says, “Now I want to show you the advancement in India!”

He takes Reagan to a forest and asks him to dig.

After some time GyaniJi says, “More. .. more… more!”

Reagan has now reached almost 400 feet.

Zail Singh says, “Find anything?”

Reagan tries but finds nothing, “Nothing here!”

GyaniJi says, “You see even 400 years ago we had gone WIRELESS!”

Dad says, “Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me capitalism. Your Mom, she’s the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the Government. We’re here to take care of your needs, so we’ll call you the people. The nanny, we’ll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we’ll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,”

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents’ room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, “Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now.” The father says, “Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.” The little boy replies, “Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.”

The next interviewee came into the office. The Agent said “To be in the FBI you must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in the next room.I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun.” The man took the gun, walked into the room, then walked out. “Sorry,” he said.

The last man came into the office. The inverviewer said “To be in the FBI you must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in the next room.I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun.” The man took the gun and went into the room. The Agent heard 6 shots, silence, then a lot of screaming.

The man came out of the room and said “Someone loaded the gun with blanks, so I beat her to death with the curtain railing!”

The next interviewee came into the office. The Agent said “To be in the FBI you must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in the next room.I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun.” The man took the gun, walked into the room, then walked out. “Sorry,” he said.

The last man came into the office. The inverviewer said “To be in the FBI you must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in the next room.I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun.” The man took the gun and went into the room. The Agent heard 6 shots, silence, then a lot of screaming.

The man came out of the room and said “Someone loaded the gun with blanks, so I beat her to death with the curtain railing!”

Since I am a very important Indian Airlines pilot I am taking one parachute and getting out of here.” Saying this he rushed to the luggage area grabbed one parachute and jumped off the plane. Sonia Gandhi said, “Since I am the future Prime Minister of India I am very important and have to live!” She also grabbed a parachute and jumped.

Laloo Yadav said, “I am the king-maker of this country, the most honest politician of India and above all the most intelligent person living in this country, and the most intelligent person must live!” Saying so Laloo went to the luggage area, grabbed one and jumped off the plane.

The old saint said to the school boy, “There is only one parachute left, and there are two of us. I am an old man and don’t need to live any more. You take the last parachute and jump.”

The school boy said, “Don’t worry! There are still two parachutes left with us! The most intelligent person, Laloo Yadav, jumped off the plane with my school bag!”

The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn’t hear the question.

“Isn’t it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?” the lawyer repeated loudly.

The witness still did not respond.

Finally, the judge leaned over and said, “Sir, please answer the question.”

“Oh,” the startled witness said, “I thought he was talking to you.”

When he got home he couldn’t tell his wife that he had
spoken on sex, so
he said he had discussed horseback riding with the members.
A few days
later, she ran into some men at the shopping center and
they
complimented her on the speech her husband had made.

She said, “Yes, I heard. I was surprised about the subject
matter, as
he’s only tried it twice. The first time he got so sore he
could hardly
walk, and the second time he fell off.”

Two diplomats are riding in a limousine in Moscow, an Indian and a Russian, discussing state business.

The Russian says to the Indian, “Rohit, I like you, but my superiors say the deal can’t go through. They don’t want to be associated with your country. They tell me it’s filthy and the citizens just shit on the streets.”

“That is not true!” exclaims the Indian, “We are very fastidious…in fact, you’re not one to talk, isn’t that someone shitting on your fine sidewalk?” he points out the window where there is indeed a squatted figure defecating on the sidewalk.

The Russian diplomat is enraged. “Stop the car!” he yells at the driver, Pavel. “Pavel, go execute that shitting man.” Pavel nods at his boss, stops the the car and takes out a gun.

After a minute, he shakes his head and returns to his boss. “Sir, I cannot execute him.”

“Why the hell not?” yells the Russian.

“Sir, he’s the Indian Prime Minister.”

The Marine politely answered “Sir, Mr. Clinton is no longer president.”

The man said, “Oh, O.K.” and walked away.

The next day the Marine was again on duty and the same man approached and again asked to see President Clinton.

The Marine again answered, “Sir, Mr. Clinton is no longer president.”

Again the man answered, “Oh, O.K.” and walked away.

The next day the same man approached the same Marine and again asked to see President Clinton.

The Marine, a little annoyed, said “Sir, I’ve told you, Mr. Clinton is no longer president. Don’t you understand that?”

“Yes, I do” said the man, “But I just enjoy hearing it.”

The Marine smiled and said, “See you tomorrow”