Jokes » Indian Jokes

A Friendly Japanese

Administrator — Thu, 28 Jul 2005 07:21:20 +0000

How courteous is the Japanese;
He always says, “Excuse it, please.”
He climbs into his neighbor’s garden.
And smiles, and says, “I beg your pardon;”
He bows and grins a friendly grin,
And calls his hungry family in;
He grins, and bows a friendly bow;
“So sorry, this my garden now.”

10 Sins of Indians

Administrator — Thu, 28 Jul 2005 07:04:04 +0000

10. Marrying a blond is a sin. Making love to a blond is a partial sin.

9. Pre-marital sex is a sin. Marital sex is a partial sin.

8. Taking dowry is a sin. Giving dowry is a partial sin.

7. Bullying one’s wife is a sin. Having to submit is a partial sin.

6. Gambling is a sin. Playing cards is a partial sin.

5. Drinking is a sin. Smoking is a partial sin.

4. Eating beef is a sin. Eating pork is a partial sin.

3. Hurting a cow is a sin. Hurting insects is a partial sin.

2. Not phoning home is a sin. Running up a huge bill is a partial sin.

1. Forgetting first language is a sin. Speaking with an accent is a partial sin.

10 Rules Of Indian Film Making

Administrator — Thu, 28 Jul 2005 07:03:06 +0000

Two brothers separated in childhood will always grow up on different sides of the law. The law-breaker, however, will suddenly turn over a new leaf before the end, bash up the villain (who is the *real* bad guy), and be pardoned for all his sins before the last-scene family reunion. (This is possible only if he has a heroine – see rule 2 below).

If the number of heroes is not equal to the number of heroines, the excess heroes/heroines will a) die b) join the Red Cross and take off to Switzerland before the end of the movie.

If there are 2 heroes in a movie, they will fight each other savagely for at least 5 minutes (10 if they are brothers).

Any court scene will have the dialogue “Objection milord”. If it is said by the hero, or his lawyer, it will be overruled. Else, it will be sustained.

The hero’s sister will usually marry the hero’s best friend (i.e. the second hero). Else, she will be raped by the villain within the 1st 30 minutes, and commit suicide.

In a chase, the hero will always overtake the villain, even on a bullock-cart, or on foot.
When the hero fires at the villain(s), he will never
a) miss
b) run out of bullets. When the villain fires at the hero, he will always miss (unless the hero is required to die, as in rule 2).

Any fight sequence shall take place in the vicinity of a stack of a) pots b) barrels c) glass bottles, which will be smashed to pieces.

Any movie involving lost and found brothers will have a song sung by
a) the brothers
b) their blind mother (but of course, she has to be blind in order to regain her sight in the climax)
c) the family dog/cat.
Police inspectors (when not played by the hero) come in two categories:
a) Scrupulously honest, probably the hero’s father – killedby the villain before the titles.
b) Honest, but always chasing the anti-hero (as in Rule 1), saying “Tum kanoon se bach nahin sakte”, only to pat him in the back in reel 23. Usually, this inspector’s daughter is in love with the anti-hero.
c) The corrupt inspector, (usually the real villain’s sidekick) unceremoniously knocked about by the hero(s) in the climax.

Windows 97 In Hindi

Administrator — Thu, 28 Jul 2005 06:59:09 +0000

Bill Gates was in India a few days ago. He announced that Microsoft plans to release a windows version in Hindi.

Here are some Windows related terms that may be used in the Hindi version of…

Khidkiyan97:
Phaail = File
Bachao = Save
Aise Bachao = Save as
Subko Bachao = Save All
Mujhe Bachao = Help
Dhoondo = Find
Firse Dhoondo = Find Again
Hilao = Move
Daak = Mail
Daakiya = Mailer
Paas se dhekho = Zoom
Duur se dhekho = Zoom Out
Kholo = Open
Bandh Karo = Close
Naya = New
Khatara = Old
Badli Karo = Replace
Bhaago = Run
Chhaapo = Print
Dekh Ke Chhaapo = Print Preview
Kaapi = Copy
Kaato = Cut
Kato = Stupid Houseguest
Chipkao = Paste
Payshul Chipkao = Paste Special
Goli Maaro = Delete
Nazaara = View
Hathiyaar = Tools
Hathiyaar Khambha = Toolbar
Khuli Chaadar = Spreadsheet
Iska Bhi Naam Nahin Aata = Database
Futaas Ki Goli Kha = Exit
Ped = Tree
Thooso = Compress
Chooha = mouse
Tik-Tik Karo = Click
Idhar-se-Udhar.Udhar-se-Idhar = Scrollbar
Cheers !

Venue: International Conference Of Medical Sciences

Administrator — Thu, 28 Jul 2005 06:55:16 +0000

Three scientists, an American, a German, and an Indian, were talking and bragging about the technological advances their respective countries have achieved in the field of medicine.

The American said “In Washington, there was a baby boy born without arms so we attached artificial arms on him. And now that he’s grown up and became an Olympic professional boxer and a gold medallist !”

The German replied, “That’s nothing to what we have achieved. Back in Berlin, there was a baby girl born without legs so we attached a pair of artificial legs on her. Now she is a three-time Olympics marathon gold medallist !”

The Indian interjected ” Is that all you have achieved , just gold medallists? In Patna, Bihar we had a baby boy born without a HEAD ! We attached a COCONUT and called him Laloo and he has grown up and now he is the Chief Minister of Bihar !”

Typical Indian

Administrator — Thu, 28 Jul 2005 06:54:38 +0000

Advice to father thinking about whether he should let his daughter continue her studies or get her married : ” Vell, if you wantu study her, then study her. If you wantu marry her, then marry her .”

An instructor explaining the working of pendulum: “Take an elephant of negligible weight”

Instructor: “Take a copper wire of any metal…and pour any liquid solution of sulphuric acid in a round bottom flask of any shape.”

“Do not smoke and spoil the botany of ur body”

He/she’s my cousin brother/sister.

“You three, both of you kneel down together separately”

“Hey, please keep quiet. The president is rotating outside”

“I have to put my child to sleep”

” Florida paan shop. Prop: Raju . B.A, M.A. ”

” Don’t talk bad in front of my back ”

Did you cut the ticket, yet?

“Entry too entry otherwise disentry”

The principal just passed away.

Who took out the breeze of my cykill.

My cykill is understanding the tree.

Open the windows and let the AIR FORCE come in”!

“Open the doors of the window, and let the atmosphere come in ”

True Desi

Administrator — Thu, 28 Jul 2005 06:53:45 +0000

Say open or close the light.

Say chok-o-late instead of chocolate

Say Hullo instead of Hello

Say Vot instead of What.

Everything you eat is saut饤 in garlic, onion, chili and tomatoes

Try and reuse gift wrappers, gift boxes, and of course aluminum foil.

You try to eject food particles from between your teeth by pressing your tongue against them and making a peculiar noise like, tshick, tschick, tschick or pphht.

Nibble at a toothpick like dessert.

Say hello by simply raising your eyebrow.

Automatically shorten peoples name even though they are already short. Know some one named either, bobby, inky, pinky, chinky, or tinku.

Are standing next to the two largest size suitcases at the airport.

Arrive one or two hours late to a party – and think it’s the norm.

Snap your fingers while dancing in a group.

Trapped On A Plane

Administrator — Thu, 28 Jul 2005 06:51:00 +0000

Once Laloo Yadav, Sonia Gandhi, a saint and a schoolboy were traveling by a private plane. Suddenly the engine caught fire and the pilot came out shouting, “This plane is going to crash! And we have only four parachutes and there are five of us in the plane.

Since I am a very important Indian Airlines pilot I am taking one parachute and getting out of here.” Saying this he rushed to the luggage area grabbed one parachute and jumped off the plane. Sonia Gandhi said, “Since I am the future Prime Minister of India I am very important and have to live!” She also grabbed a parachute and jumped.

Laloo Yadav said, “I am the king-maker of this country, the most honest politician of India and above all the most intelligent person living in this country, and the most intelligent person must live!” Saying so Laloo went to the luggage area, grabbed one and jumped off the plane.

The old saint said to the school boy, “There is only one parachute left, and there are two of us. I am an old man and don’t need to live any more. You take the last parachute and jump.”

The school boy said, “Don’t worry! There are still two parachutes left with us! The most intelligent person, Laloo Yadav, jumped off the plane with my school bag!”

Top 10 Indian Joint Ventures

Administrator — Thu, 28 Jul 2005 06:50:16 +0000

10. A chain of “Bhaskar-RaoBins” ice cream stores all over the country, in collaboration with Baskin Robins.

9. Kraft will make “PARAMESAN CHEESE” at Madras, in collaboration with Parameswaran & Co.

8. Kentucky Fried Chicken will open its chain of Indian version, to be named, “KARNATAKI FLY-ED CHICKEN” and will be headquartered at Bangalore.

7. Pizza Hut will open a chain, in the back alleys of all cities, its version, to be named:”PICHHE HUT”. Headquarters: Kanpur. PICHHE = means back-alleys for the uneducated 6

. McDonalds will open its fast food restaurants to be named: “McDosalu”. Hqs. Hyderabad. Main menu: Idli and Dosa.

5. Mr. Submarine will name its restaurants as “Mr. SUBRAMANI”, to be headquartered at Madras.

4. Red Carpets colored with biodegradable (hence environmentally friendly) red PAAN. Juice extracts will enjoy duty-free status in US.

3. Dallas Cowboys will own a new franchise: Dilli’s COW-BHAIS, to teach Indians how to play Football…. with hands.

2. Duty-free import of Ambassador cars into USA, as long as they are not used outside of Demolition Derby.

1. Internal Revenue Service will provide technology transfer of its Tax System software to Indian Income Tax Dept and to be named: “UNCLE SHYAM”.

Top Ten Indicators Of Your Having Become An “Amrikan Dood”

Administrator — Thu, 28 Jul 2005 06:48:53 +0000

10. You think most Indian teenagers are pure and chaste.

9. You think everyone in the world knows about the O.J. Simpson case.

8. You can’t believe the world wide web exists in India. You can’t believe Delhi has had phone services like call waiting and the other fancy stuff you get here for the past three years and you can’t believe there have been ATM (like MAC) machines in Indian cities for more than 7 years.

7. You like Broccoli.

6. You find cricket to be boring but watch golf, bowling or curling on TV.

5. You express sarcasm with “Yeah, right.”

4. When you see anyone at all pass by you on the road, you greet them with a “Howz it goin”, “Whassup” or “How you doin” and keep walking on.

3. You say “interesting” when either you don’t care or think it is weird.

2. You refer to India as a Third World Country.

1. You understood, enjoyed and could relate to every joke in Asian Jokes & Funny Pictures.