A gelatin mold should be made with Knox Unflavored Gelatin and red food coloring. One would think that a flavorless food would not be at all difficult to swallow, but believe me, from the looks of people who inserted cold masses of gelatinous glop into a mouth that was expecting sweets, the experience is unexplainably horrifying! Some claimed to be nauseated by the feel of it; others politely swallowed.

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Watches “Beavis and Butthead” to learn vocabulary.

Watching programs not listed in TV Guide.

We’re all missing cards from our decks — and different cards, too.

Went in for repairs but wasn’t tightened with a torque wrench.

Went to the dentist to have his cranial cavity filled.

When he was compiled they forgot to #include [smarts.h]/[iq.h]/[charm.h].

When they handed out brains he got the short end of the stick.

When they said “drain”, he thought they said “brain”.

Whole lotta choppin’, but no chips a flyin’.

Wise as the world is flat.

With one more neuron he’d have a synapse.

Won’t eat eggs because he believes the “This is your brain” ads.

Would make an excellent illustration in a proctology textbook.

Wouldn’t make any sense if she ever made sense.

Zero K memory

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Uses thumbtacks to post notes — on his refrigerator.

Uses two hands to eat with chopsticks.

Using a 1S-2D floppy for brains in a world of hard disks.

Vacancy on the top floor.

Vacuuming linoleum using a deep-pile setting.

Vertically-fornicated mind.

Views mold as a higher life form.

Warranty expired.

Was born an acrobat but landed on his head.

Was born when the planets were misaligned.

Was first in line for brains, but ended up holding the door open.

Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby.

Was napping in the nut pile the day God was cracking nuts.

Wasn’t abused as a child, but should have been.

Wasn’t strapped in during launch.

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Ugly as a warthog and half as smart.

Unclear which of Newton’s three laws of motion keeps his ears apart.

Understands English as well as any parrot.

Used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Useful as a chocolate teapot.

Useful as a football bat.

Useful as a hip pocket on a T-shirt.

Useful as a kickstand on a horse.

Useful as a mint-flavored suppository.

Useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle.

Useful as dinosaur repellent.

Useful as tits on a bullfrog / bull / boar-hog.

Uses all three functional neurons for his best work.

Uses his head best for rolling Easter eggs.

Uses his head to keep the rain out of his neck.

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Traveling faster than light, but left his sneakers behind.

Traveling without a passport/towel.

Trips over cordless phones.

Truck can’t haul a full load.

Trying out for the javelin retrieval team.

Tuning in shortwave with a TV antenna.

Two bits shy of a word/dollar.

Two chapters short of a novel.

Two degrees off square.

Two inches taller than spherical.

Two saucers short of a tea-service.

Two sheep short of a sweater.

Two socks short of a pair.

Two suits short of a full deck. (A half-wit.)

Types 120 words a minute but her keyboard isn’t plugged in.

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Thinks male zebras are the ones with the black stripes.

Three chickens short of a henhouse.

Three miracles shy of being where he thinks he’s at.

Three-bag/coyote ugly. (Ask your mommy to explain.)

Throws his rod and reel off the bridge when casting.

Too dumb to be bothered when publically displaying her ignorance.

Too many birds on her antenna.

Too many jokers and not enough aces in his deck.

Too many stop bits in his transmissions.

Too much yardage between the goal posts.

Too pointless to even be called a pinhead.

Took the little bus to school.

Top paddock is full of rocks.

Toys in the attic.

Train of thought derailed / still boarding at the station.

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The two put together have an IQ over 150.

The wheel’s spinning but the hamster’s dead.

There she sits, Finite State Automaton at its best.

There’s nothing wrong with you that couldn’t be cured with a little Prozac and a polo mallet. — Woody Allen

They must have done a clean boot on him.

Thick as a brick / whale omelette.

Thick as pig dung and twice as smelly.

Thinks “Private Enterprise” means owning a personal starship.

Thinks a permutation is a medical procedure.

Thinks at 5 baud.

Thinks cellular phones are carbon-based life forms.

Thinks E=MC^2 is a rap star.

Thinks everyone else is entitled to his opinion, like it or not.

thinks in lower case and types accordingly

Thinks like a boar hog looks at a wristwatch.

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Takes his imagination out for a walk and ends up being dragged around the block by it.

Talks to plants on their own level.

Team player… No chance he’ll develop a personality on his own.

Teflon brain — nothing sticks. — Lilly Tomlin

The best part of him ran down his mother’s legs. — Jackie Gleason

The butter slipped off his noodle.

The cheese slid off his cracker.

The definitive answer is: Her glass is half empty.

The fan is working but the freon’s leaked out.

The going got weird, and he turned pro.

The heater’s plugged in but the rheostat’s shot.

The perfect personality to write software manuals.

The space between his ears powers vacuum pumps.

The spit valve’s fallen off his trumpet again.

The twinkle in his eyes is actually the sun shining between his ears.

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Spent a decade on the leading edge of drug experimentation.

Still boots to DOS.

Still sending messages with his secret decoder ring.

Still traumatized from the forest fire in “Bambi”.

Stocksy-babes. (A truly vile British-slang insult.)

Strong, like bull. Smart, like tractor. Beautiful, like KV-2. (A WWII era Russian tank.)

Stuck on the down escalator of life.

Stumped by anything child-proof.

Subtle as a well-thrown brick.

Suffers from Clue Deficit Disorder.

Supports nativist theories that man is formed from clay.

Surfing in Nebraska.

Switch is on, but no one’s receiving.

Takes her 1.5 hours to watch “60 Minutes”.

Takes her an hour to cook minute rice.

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Solid concrete from the eyebrows backwards.

Some Assembly Required.

Some bugs in his software.

Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, but he just gargled.

Some of her inodes have nodded off.

Some pages missing.

Somebody lend her a quarter to buy a clue.

Somebody put a stop payment order on his reality check.

Someday when she’s younger…

Someone blew out his pilot light.

Someone else is doing the driving for that boy.

Someone let the air out of her lock.

Sort of like an inverse Einstein.

Source code is missing a few lines.

Speaks math/FORTRAN better than English.