What is the maggot army called?
The Apple Corps!

Why didn’t the two worms get on Noah’s Ark in an apple?
Because everyone had to go on in pairs!

Who is the worm’s Prime Minister?
Maggot Thatcher!

How can you tell if you are looking at a police glow worm?
it has a blue light!

How can you tell which end of a worm is which?
Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs!

How do you make a glow worm happy?
Cut off his tail, he’ll be de-lighted!

What did the worm say to the other when he was late home?
Where in earth have you been!

When should you stop for a glow worm?
When he has a red light!

Why was the glow worm unhappy?
Because her children weren’t that bright!

What do worms leave round their baths?
The scum of the earth!

What do you get if you cross a worm and an elephant?
Very big worm holes in your garden!

What reads and lives in an apple?
A bookworm!

What did the woodworm say to the chair?
It’s been nice gnawing you!

What do you get if you cross a worm and a young goat?
A dirty kid!

What did the maggot say to another?
What’s a nice maggot like you doing in a joint like this!

Why are glow worms good to carry in your bag?
They can lighten your load!

What do you get if you cross a glow worm with a python?
A 15 foot strip light that can strangle you to death!

What did the wife spider say to her husband when he tried to explain why he was late?
Your spinning me a yarn here!

What do you get if you cross a tarantula with a rose?
I’m not sure, but I wouldn’t try smelling it!

Why are spiders like tops?
They are always spinning!

What do you call a 100 spiders on a tyre?
A spinning wheel!

What has 8 legs and likes living in trees?
Four anti road protesters?
What did the spider say when he broke his new web?
Darn it!

What do you call a big irish spider?
Paddy long legs!

What is red and dangerous?
Strawberry and tarantula jelly!

What does a spider do when he gets angry?
He goes up the wall!

What would happen if tarantulas were as big as horses?
If one bit you, you could ride it to hospital!

Why are spiders good swimmers?
They have webbed feet!

How do you spot a modern spider?
He doesn’t have a web he had a website!

What are spiders webs good for?
Spiders!

What kind of doctors are like spiders?
Spin doctors!

What do you get if you cross a spider and an elephant?
I’m not sure, but if you see one walking across the ceiling then run before it collapses!

What did the spider say to the fly?
We’re getting married do you want to come to the webbing?
What happened when the chef found a daddy long legs in the salad?
It became a daddy short legs!

What was the snail doing on the highway?
About one mile a day!

What is the definition of a slug?
A snail with a housing problem!

What did the slug say as he slipped down the wall?
How slime flies!

How do you know your kitchen floor is dirty?
The slugs leave a trail on the floor that reads “clean me”!

What do you do when two snails have a fight?
Leave them to slug it out!

What is the difference between school dinners and a pile of slugs?
School dinners come on a plate!

How do snails get their shells so shiny?
They use snail varnish!

Where do you find giant snails?
At the end of giants fingers!

Why is the snail the strongest animal?
Because he carries a house on his back!

Where do you get frogs eggs?
At the spawn shop!

What’s a toads favorite sweet?
Lollihops!

What do you call a frog spy?
A croak and dagger agent!

How did the toad die?
He simply croaked!

Where do frogs leave their hats and coats?
In the croakroom!

What do you say to a hitchhiking frog?
Hop in!

What kind of tiles can’t you stick on walls?
Reptiles!

Where do frogs keep their treasure?
In a croak of gold at the end of the rainbow!

Whats white on the outside, green on the inside and comes with relish and onions?
A hot frog!

What did the bus conductor ay to the frog?
Hop on!

What goes dot-dot-croak, dot-dash-croak?
Morse toad!

Whats the world weakest animal?
A toad, he croaks if you even touch him!

What kind of pole is short and floppy?
A tadpole!

What do you call a girl with a frog in her hair?
Lily!

What do Scottish toads play?
Hop-scotch!

What’s green and tough?
A toad with a machine gun!

Why didn’t the female frog lay eggs?
Because her husband spawned her affections!

What do you call a 100 year old frog?
An old croak!

What do you get if cross a frog with some mist?
Kermit the Fog!

What is a chameleon’s motto?
A change is as good as a rest!

What happens if you eat a hot frog?
You’ll croak in no time!

What do you say if you meet a toad?
Wart’s new!

What do you call a frog who wants to be a cowboy?
Hoppalong Cassidy!

When is a car like a frog?
When it’s becing toad!

Why do frogs have webbed feet?
To stamp out forest fires!

What happened when a frog joined the cricket team?
He bowled long hops!

What do you get if you cross a frog with a ferry?
A hoppercraft!

What is worse than finding a maggot in your apple?
Finding half an apple!

What do frogs drink?
Hot croako!

What do you get if cross a science fiction film with a toad?
Star Warts!

What kind of shoes to frogs like?
Open toad sandals!

What kind of bull doesn’t have horns?
A bullfrog!

What jumps up and down in front of a car?
Froglights!

Why doesn’t Kermit the Frog like elephants?
They always want to play leap frog with him!

Why was the frog down in the mouth?
He was un hoppy!

Why is a frog luckier than a cat?
Because a frog croaks all the time but a cat only gets to croak nine times!

What’s a toad’s favorite ballet?
Swamp Lake!

Whats green and can jump a mile a minute?
A frog with hiccups!

Why did the lizard go on a diet?
It weighed too much for its scales!

What do you call the English Toad Prize giving cermony?
The Brit Awarts!