Jokes

What is Cheddar Gorge? A large cheese sandwich! What happens when you throw a green stone in the red sea? It gets wet! Why did the woman take a loaf of bread to bed with her? To feed her nightmare! What city cheats at exams? Peking! What makes the leaning Tower of Pisa lean? It [...]

I’d tell you another joke about a pencil. But it doesn’t have any point! Why do idiots eat biscuits? Because they’re crackers! What was the gangsters last words? Who put that violin in my violin case! Did you hear about the little boy that they named after his father? They called him dad! What has [...]

What do golfers use in China? China tees! What kind of hair do oceans have? Wavy! Why did the child study in the aeroplane? He wanted a higher education! In the park this morning I was surrounded by Lions! Lions, in the Park? Well, dandelions! What do you mean by telling everyone that I’m an [...]

What do Scotsmen eat? Tart’n’pie! What is heavier, a full moon or a half moon? The full moon because it’s lighter! What town in England makes terrible sandwiches? Oldham! What would you call theft in Peking? A Chinese takeaway! What animals are on legal documents? Seals! What did you get for christmas? A mouthorgan, its [...]

How many balls of string would it take to reach the moon? Just one if it’s long enough! What cheese is made backwards? Edam? This match won’t light! That’s funny, it did this morning! What do elves do after school? Gnomework! If Ireland sank into the sea, what county wouldn’t sink? Cork! How do we [...]

What are prehistoric monsters called when they sleep? A dinosnore! What is the fruitiest lesson? History, because it’s full of dates! What language do they speak in Cuba? Cubic! Why did the stupid racing driver make ten pitstops during the race? He was asking for directions! How do you keep an imbecile happy all his [...]

Is that school food spicy? No, smoke always comes out of my ears! Why did George Washington chop down the cherry tree? I’m stumped! “It’s clear” said the teacher, “That you haven’t studied your geography. What’s your excuse?” “Well, my dad says the world is changing every day . So I decided to wait until [...]

Pupil: I don’t think I deserved zero on this test! Teacher: I agree, but that’s the lowest mark I could give you! What did Noah do for a job? He was an arkitecht! What’s that fly doing in my gravy? Looks like the breast stroke! Teacher: When do astronauts eat? Pupil: At launch time! Father: [...]

Mother: How was your first day at school? Son: It was all right except for some man called “Teacher” who kept spoiling all our fun! I’m not going back to school ever again Why ever not? The teacher doesn’t know a thing, all she does is ask questions! Fred came home from his first day [...]

Father: How were the exam questions? Son: Easy Father: Then why look so unhappy? Son: The questions didn’t give me any trouble, just the answers! Where was the Magna Carta signed? At the bottom! What are you going to be when you get out of school? An old man! What did you learn in school [...]