Jokes

Is that school food spicy? No, smoke always comes out of my ears! Why did George Washington chop down the cherry tree? I’m stumped! “It’s clear” said the teacher, “That you haven’t studied your geography. What’s your excuse?” “Well, my dad says the world is changing every day . So I decided to wait until [...]

Pupil: I don’t think I deserved zero on this test! Teacher: I agree, but that’s the lowest mark I could give you! What did Noah do for a job? He was an arkitecht! What’s that fly doing in my gravy? Looks like the breast stroke! Teacher: When do astronauts eat? Pupil: At launch time! Father: [...]

Mother: How was your first day at school? Son: It was all right except for some man called “Teacher” who kept spoiling all our fun! I’m not going back to school ever again Why ever not? The teacher doesn’t know a thing, all she does is ask questions! Fred came home from his first day [...]

Father: How were the exam questions? Son: Easy Father: Then why look so unhappy? Son: The questions didn’t give me any trouble, just the answers! Where was the Magna Carta signed? At the bottom! What are you going to be when you get out of school? An old man! What did you learn in school [...]

What kinds of tests do they give witches? Hex-aminations! Father: What did the teacher think of your idea? Son: She took it like a lamb Teacher: Really?, what did she say? Son: Baa! What do history teachers make when they want to get together? Dates! What do they talk about? The good old days! Teacher: [...]

Mother: Why did you just swallow the money I gave you? Son: Well you did say it was my lunch money! What’s a mushroom? The place they store the school food! Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass but you’ve only drawn the cow? Pupil: Yes, the cow ate all the grass! [...]

Little Monster: I hate my teacher. Mother Monster: Well just eat your salad up then dear! “What’s the matter with your dinner?” “Can you describe it for me please in case I need to tell my doctor later what I’ve eaten!” Abraham Lincoln had a very hard childhood, he had to walk 7 miles to [...]

What was that? Went down in history! Do you know the 20th President of the United States? No, we were never introduced! A math joke Teacher, I can’t solve this problem. Any five year old should be able to solve this one. No wonder I can’t do it then, I’m nearly ten! Teacher: Why can’t [...]

When were King Arthur’s army too tired to fight? When they had lots of sleepless knights! How do bees get to school? By school buzz! How did you do in your tests? I did what George Washington did! Teacher: I hope I didn’t see you looking at Fred’s test paper. Pupil: I hope you didn’t [...]

Why did the Romans build straight roads? So their soldiers didn’t go around the bend! When a knight in armour was killed in battle, what sign did they put on his grave? Rust in peace! What famous chiropodist ruled England? William the Corn-cutter! What English King invented the fireplace? Alfred the grate! What’s yellow, has [...]