Why did the pioneers cross the country in covered wagons?
Because they didn’t want to wait 40 years for a train!
Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
Because his class was so bright!
1st Roman Soldier: What is the time?
2nd Roman Soldier: XX past VII!
Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher?
He couldn’t control his pupils!
Teacher: What family does […]
Teacher: Where is the English Channel?
Pupil: I don’t know, my TV doesn’t pick it up
Teacher: This is the third time I’ve had to tell you off this week, what have you got to say about that?
Pupil: Thank heavens it’s Friday!
Teacher: Didn’t you hear me call you?
Pupil: But you said not to answer you back!
What […]
An ideal homework excuse
Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: I loaned it to a friend, but he suddenly moved away
Teacher: Can anyone tell me how many seconds there are in a year?
Pupil: 12 - 2nd January, 2nd February…!
An ideal homework excuse
Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: Our furnace stopped working and we had to burn it […]
Why was George Washington buried at Mount Vernon?
Because he was dead!
What did Napoleon become when he was 41 years old?
A year older on his birthday!
An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: I didn’t do it because I didn’t want to add to your already heavy workload. An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is […]
If Atlas supported the world on his shoulders, who supported Atlas?
His wife!
What’s the moral of the story about Jonah and the whale?
You can’t keep a good man down!
Who designed Noah’s ark?
An ark-itect!
When did Caesar reign?
I didn’t know he reigned. Of course he did, didn’t they hail him?
An ideal homework excuse
Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: I […]
Teacher: When you yawn, your supposed to put your hand to your mouth!
Pupil: What?, and get bitten!
Teacher: You missed school yesterday didn’t you?
Pupil: Not very much!
A history joke
When crossing the Delaware River why did George Washington stand up in the boat?
He was afraid that if he sat down that someone would give him an oar […]
What did Noah do while spending time on the ark?
Fished, but he didn’t catch much. He only had two worms!
Mother: What was the first thing you learned in class?
Daughter: How to talk without moving my lips!
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
Toga-ether we can rule the world!
Teacher: What’s big and yellow and comes in the morning […]
Father: I hear you skipped school to play football
Son: No I didn’t, and I have the fish to prove it!
Teacher: When was Rome built?
Pupil: At night.
Teacher: Why did you say that?
Pupil: Because my Dad always says that Rome wasn’t built in a day!
What did the Sheriff of Nottingham say when Robin fired at him?
That was […]
Teacher: Why is the Mississippi such an unusual river?
Pupil: Because it has four eyes and can’t see!
A history joke
Why did Robin Hood only rob the rich?
Because the poor didn’t have anything worth stealing!
Teacher: You’re new here aren’t you, what’s your name?
Pupil: Fred Mickey Smith
A history joke
Why did Eve want to move to New York?
She fell […]
A math joke
I failed every subject except for algebra.
How did you keep from failing that?
I didn’t take algebra!
A history joke
Why was the ghost of Anne Boleyn always running after the ghost of Henry VIII?
She was trying to get ahead!
A history joke
What was the first think Queen Elizabeth did on ascending to the throne?
Sat down!
A math […]