Jokes

Why doesn’t the sea spill over the earth? Because it’s tied! Who was the Black Prince? The son of Old King Cole! Did you hear about the mad scientist who invented a gas that could burn through anything? No, what about him? Now he’s trying to invent something to hold it in! Why did the [...]

What is posthumous work? Something written by someone after they are dead! What is the most slippery country in the world? Greece! What is the strongest bird? A crane! What is the smelliest city in America? Phew York! What did the fireman’s wife get for Christmas? A ladder in her stocking! Who was the best [...]

Why did the cowboy die with his boots on? Because he didn’t want to stub his toe when he kicked the bucket! If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do astronauts get? Missile toe! Do you have any invisible ink? Certainly sir. What colour? How is business going? I’m looking for a new cashier But you [...]

What has a bottom at the top? I don’t know? Your legs! What is a skeleton? Bones, with the person off! What might you eat in Paris? The trifle tower! Which Elizabethan sailor could stop bikes? Sir Francis Brake! Have you ever seen a man eating tiger? No, but in the cafe next door I [...]

What’s the nearest thing to silver? The Lone Ranger’s bottom! This morning my dad gave me soap flakes instead of corn flakes for breakfast. I bet you were mad. Mad? I was foaming at the mouth! What sort of animal is a slug? A snail with a housing problem! What does “Minimum” mean? A very [...]

How do you make milk shake? Give it a good scare! Do you know the time? No, we haven’t met yet! What sleeps at the bottom of the sea? A kipper! What lies at the bottom of the sea and shivers? A nervous wreck! What soldiers smell of salt and pepper? Seasoned troopers! Did you [...]

Waiter, this soup tastes funny? Then why aren’t you laughing! What do you get if you cross a US President with a shark? Jaws Washington! Why is it not safe to sleep on trains? Because they run over sleepers! Why do you keep doing the backstroke? I’ve just had lunch and don’t want to swim [...]

What is the best day of the week to sleep? Snooze-day! How many rotten eggs does it take to make a stink bomb? A phew! What do cannibals eat for breakfast? Buttered host! What holds the sun up in the sky? Sunbeams! What does “Maximum” mean? A very big mother! What is full of holes [...]

Why did cavemen draw pictures of hippopotamuses and rhinoceroses on their walls? Because they couldn’t spell their names! What is the noisiest game? Squash – because you can’t play it without raising a racquet! Where do flies go in winter? To the glass foundry to be turned into bluebottles! Why did the king go to [...]

What do you get if you cross a crocodile with a flower? I don’t know, but I’m not going to smell it! What button won’t you find in a tailors shop? Belly button! Why didn’t the banana snore? Because it didn’t want to wake up the rest of the bunch! What do you call a [...]