Jokes

Math problems? Call 1-800-[(10x)(13i)^2]-[sin(xy)/2.362x]. If parallel lines meet at infinity – infinity must be a very noisy place with all those lines crashing together! Maths Teacher: Now suppose the number of sheep is x… Student: Yes sir, but what happens if the number of sheep is not x? Zenophobia: the irrational fear of convergent sequences. [...]

A very large mathematical convention was held in Las Vegas. The conventioneers filled two hotels, each with an infinite number of rooms. The hotels were across the street from each other and were owned by brothers. One evening, while everyone was out at a bar-b-que, one of the hotels burned to the ground. The brothers [...]

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are trying to set up a fenced-in area for some sheep, but they have a limited amount of building material. The engineer gets up first and makes a square fence with the material, reasoning that it’s a pretty good working solution. “No no,” says the physicist, “there’s a [...]

“First and above all he was a logician. At least thirty-five years of the half-century or so of his existence had been devoted exclusively to proving that two and two always equal four, except in unusual cases, where they equal three or five, as the case may be.” — Jacques Futrelle, “The Problem of Cell [...]

Analysis: 1. Differentiate it and put into the refrig. Then integrate it in the refrig. 2. Redefine the measure on the referigerator (or the elephant). 3. Apply the Banach-Tarsky theorem. Number theory: 1. First factorize, second multiply. 2. Use induction. You can always squeeze a bit more in. Algebra: 1. Step 1. Show that the [...]

“Psst, c’mere,” said the shifty-eyed man wearing a long black trenchcoat, as he beckoned me off the rainy street into a damp dark alley. I followed. “What are you selling?” I asked. “Geometrical algebra drugs.” “Huh!?” “Geometry drugs. Ya got your uppers, your downers, your sidewaysers, your inside-outers…” “Stop right there,” I interrupted. “I’ve never [...]

Prove that the crocodile is longer than it is wide. Lemma 1. The crocodile is longer than it is green: Let’s look at the crocodile. It is long on the top and on the bottom, but it is green only on the top. Therefore, the crocodile is longer than it is green. Lemma 2. The [...]

Theorem: 1 = 1/2: Proof: We can re-write the infinite series 1/(1*3) + 1/(3*5) + 1/(5*7) + 1/(7*9) +… as 1/2((1/1 – 1/3) + (1/3 – 1/5) + (1/5 – 1/7) + (1/7 – 1/9) + … ). All terms after 1/1 cancel, so that the sum is 1/2. We can also re-write the series [...]

Theorem: e=1 Proof: 2*e = f 2^(2*pi*i)e^(2*pi*i) = f^(2*pi*i) e^(2*pi*i) = 1 Therefore: 2^(2*pi*i) = f^(2*pi*i) 2=f Thus: e=1

Theorem: log(-1) = 0 Proof: a. log[(-1)^2] = 2 * log(-1) On the other hand: b. log[(-1)^2] = log(1) = 0 Combining a) and b) gives: 2* log(-1) = 0 Divide both sides by 2: log(-1) = 0