Dear Consultant:

Your firm is currently on the Timber County Environmental Consultant List on file with the Departm ent of Planning and Building Services. Those firms on the list may receive Requests for Proposals from the County acting a lead agency or be selected by a private project applicant to provide supplemental studies in support of an application related to p lanning projects which require the services of a planning consultant.
In order to effectively maintain the consultant list and provide for public interface, it has become necessary to institute a fee of $25.00 for a two year period. It is requested t hat if you wish to remain on the list, please forward a check to this office in the amount of $25.00 made payable to Timber County.

“If $25 gets us on the list, how much will it cost to move to the top of the list?”

Note: This is a quote fro m an actual letter received by a consultant in Chico. Only the county name and the consultant’s name have been changed to protect the guilty.

Dear Consultant:

Your firm is currently on the Timber County Environmental Consultant List on file with the Departm ent of Planning and Building Services. Those firms on the list may receive Requests for Proposals from the County acting a lead agency or be selected by a private project applicant to provide supplemental studies in support of an application related to p lanning projects which require the services of a planning consultant.
In order to effectively maintain the consultant list and provide for public interface, it has become necessary to institute a fee of $25.00 for a two year period. It is requested t hat if you wish to remain on the list, please forward a check to this office in the amount of $25.00 made payable to Timber County.

“If $25 gets us on the list, how much will it cost to move to the top of the list?”

Note: This is a quote fro m an actual letter received by a consultant in Chico. Only the county name and the consultant’s name have been changed to protect the guilty.

“None. I had a perfect marriage.”

“Great,” says Peter. “You get to cruise around heaven in a Mercedes. And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?”

“Only twice, I think,” says the second guy.

“Okay. You get to cruise around heaven in a Cadillac. And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?”

“12 times. Maybe 13,” says the third guy.

“Okay,” says Peter. “You get a rusty Ford.”

Later that day, the guy in the Cadillac sees the guy in the Mercedes crying.

“What’s wrong?”

“I just saw my wife.”

“So?”

“She was riding a skateboard.”

A fruit fly.