Jokes

These are supposedly actual quotes taken from around the world. “The effects are fleeting and lingering…” – Overheard in a hallway “In Managua, people are cheering in the streets, which are deserted.” – CBS reporter during the solar eclipse “A trucker called to thank all of the courteous Seattle drivers he had run across.” – [...]

A tribute to the United States Marine Corps and the reasons why they are superior to the many organizations of the world . . . * United States Marine Corps Birthday: 10 NOVEMBER 1775 * 1) Best haircut. Hands down. You can’t have a bad hair day with a high and tight. And you spend [...]

Private Loyds was brought up before the unit CO for some offence. “You can take your choice, private – one month’s restriction or twenty day’s pay,” said the officer. “All right, sir,” said the bright soldier, “I’ll take the money.”

At an exhibition of military painting a visitor was admiring a picture. “What a great realist that painter is!” he exclaimed. “What painter?” “The one that painted this picture ‘Soldiers at Work’.” “Yes, hut something is wrong there. Those soldiers aren’t working at all!” “That is just the greatest stroke of realism in the picture!”

An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: “Anyone knows the formula for water?” “Sure. That’s easy,” said one man. “What is it?” “H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O.” “What, what?” reasked the instructor. “H to O,” explained the chemistry expert.

As the plane was flying low over some hills near Athens, a lady asked the stewardess: “What’s that stuff on those hills?” “Just snow,” replied the stewardess. “That’s what I thought,” said the lady, “but this fellow in front of me said it was Greece.”

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the skies, Air defenses were up, with electronic eyes. Combat pilots were nestled in ready-room beds, As enemy silhouettes danced in their heads. Every jet on the apron, each SAM in its tube, Was triply-redundant, linked to the Blue Cube, And ELINT and AWACS gave coverage so [...]

A unit of soldiers was marching a long dusty march across the rolling prairie. It was a hot blistering day and the men, longing for water and rest, were impatient to reach the next town. A rancher rode past. “Say, friend”, called out one of the men, “how far is it to the next town?” [...]

These are actual phrases from Officer Efficiency Reports (performance appraisal for the military officers). “Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.” “Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn’t watching.” “A room temperature IQ.” “Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.” “A gross ignoramus—144 times worse than [...]

The physical training instructor was drilling a platoon of soldiers. “I want every man to lie on his back, put his legs in the air and move them as though he were riding a bicycle,” he explained. “Now begin!” After a few minutes, one of the men stopped. “Why did you stop. Smith?” demanded the [...]