Jokes

Q: What is the difference between a saxophone and a chainsaw? A: It’s all in the grip. Q: What is the difference between a lawnmower and a soprano sax? A: You can tune the lawnmower and the owner’s neighbors don’t mind if you don’t return the sax when you borrow it. Q: What is the [...]

Q: How do you get 2 piccolos to play a perfect unison? A: Shoot one. Q: Two musicians are walking down the street, and one says to the other, “Who was that piccolo I saw you with last night?” A: The other replies, “That was no piccolo, that was my fife.”

Q: What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A: A flat minor. Q: What do you get if you run over an army officer with a steam roller? A: A flat major. Q: What do you say to an army officer as you’re about to run him or her [...]

Q: Why are organists like a broken-winded cab horse? A: They are always longing for another stop. Q: Why are a organist’s fingers like lightning? A: Because they rarely strike the same place twice. Q: What do you get if you throw a piano down a mine shaft? A: A flat miner. Q: What do [...]

Q: How do you get five oboes in tune? A: Shoot four of them. Q: What are burning oboes used for? A: To set bassoons on fire. Q: Why does an oboist always have to fight for correct intonation? A: Because most oboes are full of holes. Q: How do you make an oboist play [...]

The late Sir Thomas Beecham used to say the sound of the harpsichord is like “two skeletons making love on a tin roof”.

A harp is a nude piano. A Celtic harpist spends half her time tuning her harp, and the other half playing it out of tune. Q: Why are harps like elderly parents? A: Both are unforgiving and hard to get into and out of cars.

Steve Wright: I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window. I’ve been arrested three times for practicing.

Q: How do you make him stop playing? A: Put notes on it! Q: What did the guitar say to the guitarist? A: Pick on someone your own size! Q: What’s the definition of a minor second? A: Two lead guitarists playing in unison. Q: What do you call two guitarists playing in unison? A: [...]

Q: What do you get when you cross a French horn player with a goal post? A: A goal post that can’t march. Q: How many French horn players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Just one, but he’ll spend two hours checking the bulb for alignment and leaks. Q: What do [...]