Jokes

Q: What’s the definition of a minor second? A: Two flutes playing a unison. Flute players spend half their time tuning their instrument and the other half playing out of tune. Q: Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories? A: To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes. Q: What is perfect [...]

Q: What is the difference between hearing an English horn solo and being tortured? A: One is far more painful to your ears. Q: What’s the name of a good English horn player? A: I’ll tell you when I meet one. Q: How many English horn players does it take to change a light bulb? [...]

Q: Why do drummers have a half ounce more brains than horses? A: So they don’t disgrace themselves at the parade. Q: How do you know if there is a percussionist at the door? A: The knocking gets slower. Q: How can you tell when there is a drummer at your front door? A: The [...]

Q: What’s the definition of a nerd? A: Someone who has his or her own alto clarinet. Q: Why do clarinetists leave their cases on the dashboard? A: So they can park in the handicap zones. Q: What do you call a bass-clarinetist with half a brain? A: Gifted. Q: What is the difference between [...]

Q: What is the difference between a cello and a coffin? A: The coffin has the corpse on the inside. Q: Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes? A: So you don’t have to retrain the cellists. Q: How do you get a cellist to play fortissimo? A: Write ‘pp, espressivo’.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: To get away from the bassoon recital. Q: Why is a bassoon better than an oboe? A: The bassoon burns longer. Q: What is a burning oboe good for? A: Setting a bassoon on fire. Q: Which burns better, an oboe or a bassoon? A: A [...]

Q: Why did the bass player get mad at the timpanist? A: He turned a peg and wouldn’t tell the bass player which one. Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one – but the guitarist has to show him first. Q: How many bass players does [...]

Q: How many banjo players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one, but all the others gathered around will complain that that’s not the way Earl Scruggs would have done it. Q: How can you tell the stage you’re playing on is level? A: The banjo player is drooling out of [...]

Q: Why do bagpipers walk when they play? A: To get away from the noise. Q: What’s the only thing worse than a bagpiper? A: Good question. We’re still trying to find out too. Bagpipes (noun) – I understand the inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic [...]

An accordion is a bagpipe with pleats. Q: What is the definition of an optimist? A: An accordion player with a pager. Q: What is the difference between an Uzi and an accordion? A: The Uzi stops after 20 rounds. Q: What do accordion players use as a contraceptive? A: Their personalities. Q: What’s the [...]