One day a blonde was riding on an airplane. There was a loud noise that came from outside the plane. The captain came on the intercom, “Attention passengers, we just lost one of our engines; but don’t worry, the other three engines will keep us up. Also, we will arrive at our destination about an […]
When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. (Please note, placing a paw print in the middle […]
1. A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.
2. All men hate to hear, “We need to talk about our relationship.” These seven words strike fear in the heart of even General Schwartzkopf.
3. Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel […]
A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, “I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.”
The driver says, “Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60 perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: “Now don’t be silly dear, you know that this […]
In a train compartment a young couple and an elderly, somewhat ragged old man were sitting.
The girl looks like she’s having some discomfort so her boyfriend asks her, “What’s wrong honey?”
She replies. “My head hurts.”
Her boyfriend kisses her forehead, and asks her, “Is it better now?”
“Yes,” she says.
Then he asks, “Does it hurt somewhere else?”
“Here,” […]
On a busy road where parking was not permitted, the police fined a person who had illegally parked.
The car owner complained that he should not be fined.
The policeman asked : ” Why ? ”
To which the owner replied, “Your board says ‘ FINE FOR PARKING ‘
A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO.
This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he wants to let them know he means business!
The […]
Arbitrator (ar’-bi-tray-ter): A cook that leaves Arby’s to work at McDonald’s.
Avoidable (uh-voy’-duh-buhl): What a bullfighter tries to do.
Baloney (buh-lo’-nee): Where some hemlines fall.
Bernadette (burn’-a-det): The act of torching a mortgage.
Burglarize (bur’-gler-ize): What a crook sees with.
Control (kon-trol’): A short, ugly inmate.
Counterfeiters (kown-ter-fit-ers): Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.
Eclipse (i-klips’): what an English barber does […]
A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to one of those big “everything under one roof” stores looking for a job.
The manager asked, “Do you have any sales experience?”
The kid said, “Sure, I was a salesman back home in Texas.”
The boss liked the kid so he gave him the job. “You start […]
A man died and went to into the skies. Yamraj met him at the Gates of Heaven and said, ‘Before you meet with God, I thought I should tell you - we’ve looked at your life, and your really didn’t do anything particularly good or bad. We’re not at all sure what to do with […]