Jokes

Top 25 Engineer’s Terms and Expressions (What they say versus what they mean) A number of different approaches are being tried. (We are still guessing at this point.) Close project coordination. (We sat down and had coffee together.) An extensive report is being prepared on a fresh approach. (We just hired three punk kids out [...]

USEFUL PHRASES AT WORK: I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid. I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant. I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth. It might look like I’m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I’m really quite busy. Thank you. We’re all refreshed and [...]

The following are real conversations Directory Enquiries operators had with callers, as revealed in interviews with staff at the Cardiff DE Centre. Caller : I’d like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff, please. Operator : I’m sorry, there’s no listing. Is the spelling correct? Caller : Well, it used to be called [...]

A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn’t been paid. The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, “We can’t ship your new order until you pay for the last one.” The next day [...]

RE: Quotes Taken from actual performance evaluations: “Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.” “His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.” “I would not allow this employee to breed.” “This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more of [...]

“You Know It’s Your Last Day At Work When……” You hand a bank teller an envelope, and when she asks, “What’s this?”, you realize you just dropped the company’s deposit in a mailbox. A woman comes into the store, you turn to the other salesman and say, “I waited on the last fat ugly old [...]

Thoughts and stories from on the job My boss came in one morning and caught me hugging my secretary. He said in a rage, “Is this what you get paid for ?” I told him, “Nope ! I do this for free.” This same boss was into all this dumb inspirational and motivation stuff too. [...]

I JUST KNEW I WAS IN BIG TROUBLE AT WORK WHEN… …the new policy on sexual harassment included a photo of me. …the Security guard made a complete inventory of my work area. …my assistant began responding to my memos with, “Yeah, whatever.” …I got a “It’s for you loser” wav receiving e-mail, & not [...]

The job security quiz will help judge how long you’ll end up at your current job and what will become of you. The boss appears at your cubicle and finds you playing DOOM at your desk, you… A. Swear to take the game off your hard drive forever, but first make a copy for his [...]

Quote from a recent meeting: “We are going to continue having these meetings, everyday, until I find out why no work is getting done”. Quote from the Boss… “I didn’t say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you.” A motivational sign at work: The beatings will continue until [...]