Jokes

We’re over the hill but don’t feel sad This side of the hill ain’t all that bad. So give us “five” and then a smile To us who have been here for awhile. With by-pass pain and mended hip And plumbing fixtures prone to drip; We all may seem a sorry lot, But we rejoice [...]

A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman: “And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?” the reporter asked. She simply replied, “No peer pressure.” ——————————————————————————– The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs. ——————————————————————————– I’ve sure gotten old. I’ve had two By-pass surgeries. A [...]

When I’m a little old lady, then I’ll live with my children and bring them great joy. To repay all I’ve had from each girl and boy I shall draw on the walls and scuff up the floor; run in and out without closing the door. I’ll hide frogs in the pantry, socks under my [...]

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.” “I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the [...]

In the dim and distant past When life’s tempo wasn’t so fast, Grandma used to rock and knit, Crochet, tat and baby sit. When the kids were in a jam, They could always call on Gram. But today she’s in the gym Exercising to keep slim. She’s checking the web or surfing the net, Sending [...]

Worried because they hadn’t heard anything for days from the widow in the neighboring apartment, Mrs. Silver said to her son, “Timmy, would you go next door and see how old Mrs. Kirkland is?” A few minutes later, Timmy returned. “Well,” asked Mrs. Silver, “is she all right?” “She’s fine, except that she’s angry at [...]

I am a senior citizen… – I’m the life of the party… even when it lasts ’till 8pm. – I’m very good at opening childproof caps with a hammer. – I’m usually interested in going home before I get to where I’m going. – I’m good on a trip for at least an hour without [...]

Thought I’d let my doctor check me, ‘Cause I didn’t feel quite right. . . All those aches and pains annoyed me And I couldn’t sleep at night. He could find no real disorder But he wouldn’t let it rest. What with Medicare and Blue Cross, We would do a couple tests. To the hospital [...]

There’s quite an art to falling apart as the years go by, And life doesn’t begin at 40. That’s a big fat lie. My hair’s getting thinner, my body is not; The few teeth I have are beginning to rot. I smell of Vick’s-Vapo-Rub, not Chanel # 5; My new pacemaker’s all that keeps me [...]

How do I know that my youth is all spent? Well, my get up and go has got up and went. But in spite of it all I am able to grin when I recall where my get up has been. Old age is golden-so I’ve heard it said- but sometimes I wonder when I [...]