Tired of his low approval ratings, President Clinton called up the head of the CIA and said, “I want your very best agent over here first thing in the morning.”
Moments later, a call went out to the Middle East, and the most gifted American agent was headed back to Washington.
The next morning, the agent was [...]
“I am not part of the problem. I am a Democrat.”
– Vice President Al Gore
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“A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.”
– Vice President Al Gore
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“Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it.”
– Vice President Al Gore, 5/20/996
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“Democrats [...]
“We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.”
– Vice President Al Gore, 9/22/97
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“For NASA, space is still a high priority.”
– Vice President Al Gore, 9/5/93
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“Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children.”
– Vice President Al Gore
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“The Holocaust was an obscene period in [...]
A mid-level executive was so frustrated at being passed over for promotion year after year, that, in frustration, he went to a brain-transplant center in the hope of raising his I.Q. 20 points.
After a battery of physical and psychological tests, he was told by the center’s director that he was an acceptable candidate.
“That’s great!” the [...]
Lots of folks are forced to skimp to support a government that won’t.
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There’s one thing the Democrats and Republicans share in common: Our money.
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…Veni, Vedi, Clinti–I came, I saw, I lied.
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A little girl asked her father, “Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with ‘Once Upon A Time’?”
He replied, “No, there is a whole series [...]
My four year old and I were discussing holidays, and I asked him, “What is the day which comes after Halloween when you have turkey?”
My husband quickly answered, “Election day.”
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The American myth is that every boy can grow up to be President.
The Bush reality now is that the boy doesn’t have to grow up?! [...]
I have two sons who are at opposite poles on the military issue. Rick thinks the military exists “only to kill people” and says so at every chance he gets.
Mike thinks the military is the greatest thing since sliced bread, and plans to make it his career. Needless to say, when they get together, sparks [...]
According to a recent government publication …
A billion seconds ago Harry Truman was president.
A billion minutes ago was just after the time of Christ.
A billion hours ago man had not yet walked on earth.
A billion dollars ago was late yesterday at the U.S. Treasury.
Supposedly G.B. Shaw once sent Winston Churchill some tickets for the first night of one of his plays.
Churchill then sent Shaw a telegram to the effect: “Cannot come first night. Will come second night if you have one.”
Shaw promptly replied: “Here are two tickets for the second night. Bring a friend if you have one.”
The difference between Republicans & Democrats
A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person.
The republican gave the homeless person his business card and told him come to his business for a job. He then took twenty dollars out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless [...]