Jokes

I’ve heard there’s a new programming language out from University of Tennessee. It’s called Algor. There are some problems with it though. The syntax is very formal and inflexible. And it’s not a very powerful language either, since it won’t allow you to alter the operating environment. Its survival is also partially dependent upon an [...]

The Court of King George III London, England July 10, 1776 Mr. Thomas Jefferson c/o The Continental Congress Philadelphia, Pennsylvania Dear Mr. Jefferson, We have read your “Declaration of Independence” with great interest. Certainly, it represents a considerable undertaking, and many of your statements do merit serious consideration. Unfortunately, the Declaration as a whole fails [...]

A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag. “Our flag symbolizes our taxes,” he said. “We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them.” “That’s the same [...]

Recent confusion about the meaning of the abbreviation BTU has lead to the creation of set definitions that may be used when discussing its meaning. 1. Big Time Unemployment 2. Buy Thermal Underwear 3. Bill’s Tax Utopia 4. Being Totally Unfair

If a communist has two cows, he gives both to the government, and the government sells him some of the milk. If a Socialist has two cows, he gives both to the government, and the government gives him some of the milk. If a Nazi has two cows, the government shoots him, and takes both [...]

Nearly everything has changed in the United States since the Bill of Rights was written and adopted. We still see the original words when we read those first 10 Amendments to the Constitution, yet the meaning is vastly different now. And no wonder. We’ve gone from a country of a few million to a few [...]

by a student at Harvard Divinity School, 1989 Gender Radical feminism Oppressors White male heterosexuals Bias Basing scholarship on reason and evidence Patriarchal models Objectivity, logic, rational discourse, mathematics, science, the Bible, the U.S. Constitution, family values, motherhood and apple pie Politically aware Politically far-left Being divisive Deviating from the beliefs of the politically aware [...]

from the book “Loony Laws” by Robert Pelton In Ottumwa, Iowa, “It is unlawful for any male person, within the corporate limits of the (city), to wink at any female person with whom he is unaquainted.” In Los Angeles, you cannot bathe two babies in the same tub at the same time. In Zion, Ill., [...]

1. Democrats buy most of the books that have been banned somewhere. Republicans form censorship committees and read them as a group. 2. Republicans consume three-fourths of all the rutabaga produced in this country. The remainder is thrown out. 3. Republicans usually wear hats and always clean their paint brushes. 4. Democrats give their worn-out [...]

In an interview with David Letterman, Carter passed along an anecdote of a translation problem in Japan. Carter was speaking at a business lunch in Tokyo, where he decided to open his speech with a brief joke. He told the joke, then waited for the translator to announce the Japanese version. Even though the story [...]