Jokes

For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he’d finally managed an affair with the innkeeper’s daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant [...]

Two lawyers walking through the woods spot a vicious-looking bear. The first lawyer immediately opens his briefcase, pulls out a pair of sneakers and starts putting them on. The second lawyer looks at him and says “You’re crazy! You’ll never be able to outrun that bear!” “I don’t have to”, the first lawyer replies. “I [...]

A lion is walking down a jungle path when a second lion falls in behind. After walking for a short while, the second suddenly lunges forward and licks the first lion’s butt. The lead lion wheels around and indignantly demands: “What did you do that for?” The second lion replies: “I just had a lawyer [...]

While driving along the back roads of a small town, two truckers came to an overpass with a sign that read CLEARANCE 11’3″. They got out and measured their rig, which was 12’4″. “What do you think?” one asked the other. The driver looked around carefully, then shifted into first. “Not a cop in sight. [...]

An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered, “Honey, this guy hasn’t seen a woman in years. [...]

1. I can’t reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas) 2. Sorry, Officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in. 3. Aren’t you the guy from the Village People? 4. Hey, you must’ve been doin’ about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job! 5. Are You Andy [...]

On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, “Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?” The kid says, “Yeah.” The cop says, “Well, next year tell Santa to [...]

One afternoon, Jake is driving down a highway to spend some time at a lake and relax. On his way to the lake, he spots a guy dressed from head to toe in red standing on the side of the highway, gesturing for him to stop. Jake rolls down his window and asks, “How can [...]

A drunk was driving through town, weaving violently all over the road, when a cop finally pulled him over. “Where have you been?” asked the cop. “At the pub,” slurred the drunk. “Well, it looks to me like you’ve had quite a few,” the cop snapped. “I guess I did,” said the drunk with a [...]

vibrator, or toy, so she wouldn’t miss him too much. He went to a shop and looked up and down the aisles, but couldn’t find anything good. So, he went up to the clerk at the counter and explained his problem to him. The clerk took out a box covered with erotic symbols and words. [...]