Jokes

While walking along a road, two guys were struck by a police car driven by a drunk cop. One of the guys was thrown through the windshield, while his buddy was knocked down an embankment. Of course, charges were laid. The first guy was charged with breaking and entering, the second with leaving the scene [...]

A young boy went running down the street in search of a policeman. Finding one, he pleaded, “Office, please, I need you to come back to the bar with me. My dad is in a fight.” The officer accompanied him back to the bar where he found three guys in a fistfight. “Ok, now which [...]

When a visitor to a small town in Georgia came upon a wild dog attacking a young boy, he quickly grabbed the animal and throttled it with his two hands. A reporter saw the incident, congratulated the man and told him the headline the following day would read, “Valiant Local Man Saves Child by Killing [...]

Three men: an editor, a photographer, and a journalist are covering a political convention in Miami. They decide to walk up and down the beach during their lunch hour. Halfway up the beach, they stumbled upon a lamp. As they rub the lamp a genie appears and says “Normally I would grant you three wishes, [...]

A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling, “Read all about it. Fifty people swindled! Fifty people swindled!” Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper, and checked the front page. Finding nothing, the man said, “There’s nothing in here about fifty people being swindled.” The newsboy ignored him and [...]

A photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of a great forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane. “It will be waiting for you at the airport!” he was assured by his editor. As [...]

USA Today: WE’RE DEAD. Wall Street Journal: Dow Jones Plummets as World Ends. National Enquirer: O.J. and Nicole, Together Again. Inc. Magazine: 10 Ways You Can Profit From the Apocalypse. Rolling Stone: The Grateful Dead Reunion Tour. Sports Illustrated: Game Over. Playboy: Girls of the Apocalypse. Lady’s Home Journal: Lose 10 Pounds by Judgment Day [...]

An accountant is having a hard time sleeping – he sees his doctor about the problem: “Doctor, I just can’t get to sleep at night!” “Have you tried counting sheep?” “That’s the problem – I make a mistake and spend the next six hours trying to find it!”

A man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep. Stopping to rest, he tells the shepherd, “I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock.” The shepherd thinks it over. It’s a big [...]

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, “I’m fantastic in bed.” That’s Direct Marketing. You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, “He’s fantastic in bed.” That’s Advertising. [...]