School Jokes

Your first job will be to sweep the floor.
But I’m a college student the young man replied.
In that case give me the broom - I’ll show you how.

A high-school student came home from school seeming rather depressed.
“What’s the matter, son,” asked his mother.
“Aw, gee,” said the boy, “It’s my marks. They’re all wet.”
“What do you mean `all wet?’”
“I mean,” he replied, “below C-level.”

O Lord, hear my anxious plea
Calculus is killing me
I know not of ‘dx’ or ‘dy’
And probably won’t until the day I die.
Please, Lord, help me in this hour
As I take my case to the highest power.
I care not for fame or loot
Just help me find one square root.
And Lord, please let me see
One passing mark […]

Recently our speaker had to discontinue several of his long talks on account of his throat. Several people threatened to cut it.
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You have heard it said before that this speaker needs no introduction. Well, I have heard him and he needs all the introduction he can get.
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Our speaker needs no introduction. What he needs is […]

Teacher: What is the axis of the earth?
Student: The axis of the earth is an imaginary line which passes from one pole to the other, and on which the earth revolves.
Teacher: Very good. Now, could you hang clothes on that line?
Student: Yes, Sir.
Teacher: Indeed, and what sort of clothes?
Student: Imaginary clothes, Sir.

A visitor to a certain college paused to admire the new Hemingway Hall that had been built on campus.
“It’s a pleasure to see a building named for Ernest Hemingway,” he said.
“Actually,” said his guide, “it’s named for Joshua Hemingway. No relation.”
The visitor was astonished. “Was Joshua Hemingway a writer, also?”
“Yes, indeed,” said his guide. “He […]

Young Larry stopped by the corner grocery store and read the following list to the clerk:
10 pounds sugar at $1.25 a pound
4 pounds coffee at $1.50 a pound
2 pounds butter at $1.10 a pound
2 bars soap at $.83 each
“How much does that come to?” asked Larry.
“Twenty-two dollars and thirty-six cents.”
“If I gave you three ten […]

A FIRST GRADE TEACHER collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest.
As you shall make your bed so shall you……….mess it up.
Better be safe than………………….punch a 5th grader.
Strike while the …………………………bug is close.
It’s always darkest before…………daylight savings […]

Kids’ Views on School
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. “I’m wasting my time,” she said to her mother.
“I can’t read, I can’t write - and they won’t let me talk!”
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On the way home from the first day of school, the father asked his son, “What did you do at […]

(True story)
A college student in a philosophy class was taking his first examination.
On the paper there was a single line which simply said: “Is this a question?” - Discuss.
After a short time he wrote: “If that is a question, then this is an answer.”
The student received an “A” on the exam.