Jokes

By R. J. Heathorn (* PUNCH, May 9, 1962) A new aid to rapid–almost magical–learning has made its appearance. Indications are that if it catches on all the electronic gadgets will be so much junk. The new device is known as Built-in Orderly Organized Knowledge. The makers generally call it by its initials, BOOK. Many [...]

“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.” –Groucho Marx 1890-1977 ——————————————————————————– This reminds me of the student who began his Middle Ages story with: “He was a dark and stormy knight….” ——————————————————————————– In a survey taken several years ago, all [...]

Dear Mother and Dad: It has now been three months since I left for college. I have been remiss in writing and am very sorry for my thoughtlessness in not having written before. I will bring you up to date now, but before you read on, please sit down. You are not to read any [...]

It was the final examination for an introductory Biology course at the local university. Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 500 students in the class! The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that [...]

Man: “How’s your history paper coming?” Woman: “Well, my history professor suggested that I use the Internet for research, and it’s been very helpful. Man: “Really?” Woman: “Yes! I’ve already located 17 people who sell them!”

To: Professor _______________ From: ____________________ I think my grade in your course, ___, should be changed from ___ to ___ for the following reasons: __1. The persons who copied my paper made a higher grade than I did. __2. The person whose paper I copied made a higher grade than I did. __3. This course [...]

A student comes to a young professor’s office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly. “I would do anything to pass this exam.” She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. “I mean…” she whispers, “…I would do…anything.” He returns her gaze. “Anything?” “Anything.” His [...]

by Robert Chen You should not attempt any these things. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only. 1. Find two straws, preferably with wide tubes. Sip some soda up and spray it on the person next to you. Pretend nothing happened. 2. Don’t go to the dining hall. Live there and never leave. When [...]

You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only. 1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say “oh geez, better get cracking” and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early. 2. Get a [...]

The following is a “history” collected by teachers throughout the United States, from eighth grade through college level. Read carefully, and you will learn a lot of incorrect information. The inhabitants of ancient Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that [...]