Jokes

O Humid Night (Melody: “O Holy Night”) O Humid Night Anopheline mosquitoes Are circling you in the hope of a meal. She takes a bite, saliva from her mouthparts Drool parasites which you can’t see or feel Your brain can get sick, You will have a coma After the rage and the headaches have passed [...]

Hark! The Streptococcus Brings (Melody: “Hark! The Herald = Angels Sing”) Hark! the Streptococcus brings Strep sore throat to all who sing, Chloraseptic doesn’t cure it Other people’s sneezing lures it. If the strep bug has a virus Scarlet fever then arises, Cross reaction with the heart Causes it to come apart, Hark! the Streptococcus [...]

A Mad Scientist Christmas Twas the night before Christmas and all thru my house, Not a specimen was stirring, not even a louse. The test tubes were capped and the rat cages closed, The mold cultures fuzzy, the mice in repose. The oven kept warm the ebola and pox, I still need to locate my [...]

ODE TO A CLONE By John Scalzi (This originally appeared in America Online’s “Howdy” area on March 6th.) Oh clone, my clone, how can you bear it To exist knowing you have only one parent? No zygote you, when haploid cells met You were produced with a full chromosome set. And now I can see [...]

To the tune of “Send in the Clowns” So this is it, A few bases to go, I’ve tried and I’ve tried but the techniques’s so slow. I’ve poured my gels, I’ve run quite a few. Full of bubbles, they leaked and why I never knew. But where are the clones? I’ve got to have [...]

Biology Christmas THE NIGHT BEFORE DEFENCE (or A Visit From Citrate) Twas the night before defence, when all through te lab Not a gel box was shaking, with stain or with MAb; The columns were hung in the cold room with care, In hopes that my protein, I soon could prepare; The post-docs were nestled [...]

BAN DIHYDROGEN MONOXIDE! THE INVISIBLE KILLER Dihydrogen monoxide is colorless, odorless, tasteless, and kills uncounted thousands of people every year. Most of these deaths are caused by accidental inhalation of DHMO, but the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide do not end there. Prolonged exposure to its solid form causes severe tissue damage. Symptoms of DHMO ingestion [...]

THE LAST WORD The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary Activation Energy: The useful quantity of energy available in one cup of coffee. Atomic Theory: A mythological explanation of the nature of matter, first proposed by the ancient Greeks, and now thoroughly discredited by modern computer simulation. Attempts to verify the theory by modern computer simulation have failed. [...]

Silver Nitrate (to the tune of “Silver Bells”) Silver nitrate, silver nitrate it’s chemistry time in the lab Ding-a-ling, with a copper ring soon it will be chemistry day. Take your nitrate, in solution Add your copper with style In the beaker there’s a feeling of reactions silver forming, blue solution Bringing ooh’s ah’s and [...]

Lab Reports (to the tune of “Jingle Bells”) Dashing through the lab with a tan page lab report Taking all those tests and laughing at them all Bells for fire drills ring making spirits bright What fun it is to laugh and sing a chemistry song tonight. Oh, lab report, lab reports, reacting all the [...]