Sick Jokes

In each of these examples, the actual name of the college is written first. Then, after each, spoofs are written about each college name.
Auburn University.
Brown University.
Chrome Yellow University.
Neon Pink University.
Northern Illinois University.
Southern Illinois University.
Eastern Illinois University.
Western Illinois University.
Northeastern Illinois University.
Northwestern Illinois University.
Southeastern Illinois University.
Southwestern Illinois University.
North-by-Northwestern Illinois University.
Yale University.
Cole University.
Weiser University.
Kwikset University.
Harvey Mudd College.
Roger Mudd […]

Mommy, Mommy! Why do other kids tell me I have a big head?
Don’t worry. Take your cap and go get me 40 lbs of potatoes at the store.
——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! Why do other kids tell me I have a long nose?
You don’t, but lift your head up or you’ll scrape the floor.
——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! Are you sure […]

Mommy, Mommy! I like my brother very much.
All right, you can take another slice.
——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! I don’t want to empty the compost heap.
Shut up and keep eating.
——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! I don’t like fishing.
Shut up and stop squirming.
——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! Suzi got run over by a steamroller.
Shut up. I’m in the bathroom, slide her under the door.
[Alt answer] […]

Mommy, Mommy! I’ve lost my fingers!
Shut up and eat your french fries!
——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! When will we have this nice yellow pudding again?
Shut up, you know that grandma’s leg is no longer infested.
——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! Why is my hair so slimy?
Shut up, you little snot.
——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! I don’t like Sister!
Shut up, and keep eating!
——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! I’d like […]

Mommy, Mommy! Daddy’s running down the street!
Shut up and step on the gas!
——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! I don’t want to see Niagara Falls!
Shut up and get back in the barrel!
——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! Is this the way to make pickles?
Shut up and get back in the barrel!
——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! Daddy went through the meat grinder!
Shut up and eat your hamburger!
——————————————————————————–
Mommy, […]

Mommy, Mommy! My teacher says my head is too big.
Shut up and get your hat from the garage, so your father can bring the car in!
——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! Can I play in the sandbox?
Not until I find a better place to bury Daddy.
——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! Why can’t we give Dad a decent burial?
Shut up and keep flushing.
——————————————————————————–
Mommy, […]

Mommy, Mommy! There’s something in daddy’s eye!
Shut up and eat around it.
——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! Why can’t we get a garbage compactor?
Shut up and chew!
——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! Daddy’s too tough!
Shut up and keep chewing!
——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! Why can’t I play with the other kids?
Shut up and deal.
——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! My head hurts!
Shut up and get away from the dart board!

Mommy, Mommy! I don’t want hamburgers for supper!
Shut up or I’ll grind your other hand.
——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! I hate tomato juice!
Shut up and drink it before it clots.
——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! What’s a vampire?
Shut up and eat your soup before it clots.
——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! I don’t like tomato soup!
Shut up, we only have it once a month.
——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! I […]

Mommy, Mommy! Why is Daddy zigzagging in the yard?
Shut up and shoot again!
——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! I don’t wanna visit grandma!
Shut up and keep digging.
——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! Can I lick the bowl?
Shut up and flush.
——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! I’m sick of learning how to swim!
Shut up or I’ll flush it again!
——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! It’s cold and dark and damp down here.
Shut […]

Mommy, Mommy! Grandpa’s going out!
Well throw some more gasoline on him then.
——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! I don’t want to go to Australia.
Shut up son and keep swimming.
——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! Why are we pushing the car off the cliff?
Shut up son, you’ll wake your father.
——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! I keep running in circles.
Shut up or I’ll nail your other foot to […]