Auburn University.
Brown University.
Chrome Yellow University.
Neon Pink University.

Northern Illinois University.
Southern Illinois University.
Eastern Illinois University.
Western Illinois University.
Northeastern Illinois University.
Northwestern Illinois University.
Southeastern Illinois University.
Southwestern Illinois University.
North-by-Northwestern Illinois University.

Yale University.
Cole University.
Weiser University.
Kwikset University.

Harvey Mudd College.
Roger Mudd College.
Harcourt Fenton Mudd College.
My Name Is Mudd College.

King’s College.
Queen’s College.
Jack’s College (formerly Knave’s College).
Ten’s College.
Ace’s College.

Texas A&I University.
Texas A&M University.
North Carolina A&T University.
Tennessee C&W University.
Michigan R&B University.
New Jersey M&M University.
San Francisco S&M University.

Governors State University.
Lieutenant-Governors State University.
Secretaries of State State University.
State Comptrollers State University.

University of Tennessee Space Institute.
University of Southwestern Arkansas Cosmic Realms Institute.
Elroy Jetson Space Magic Institute.

Lawrence Livermore National Labs.
Lawrence Berkeley National Labs.
Lawrence Olivier National Labs.
Lawrence of Arabia National Labs.
Lawrence Welk National Labs.

Argonne National Labs.
Kryptonne National Labs.
Xenonne National Labs.
Radonne National Labs.

Concordia University.
Discordia University.
Misericordia University.

University of Wisconsin – Madison.
University of Wisconsin – Milwaukee.
University of Wisconsin – River Falls.
University of Wisconsin – Stout.
University of Wisconsin – Porter.
University of Wisconsin – Malt Liquor.
University of Wisconsin – Night Train.
University of Wisconsin – Everclear.

Purdue University.
Louis Rich University.
Hormel University.
Oscar Mayer University.

Drexel University.
Ethan Allen University.
Seidel University.
La-Z-Boy University.

George Washington University.
James Madison University.
Chester A. Arthur University.
Millard Fillmore University.
Spiro T. Agnew University.
J. Danforth Quayle University.

McMaster University.
McSlave University.
McTop University.
McBottom University.

Wright State University.
Wrong State University.
Altered State University.
UnState University.
Out of State University.

McGill University.
McScale University.
McFin University.
McTail University.
McOperculum University.

McNeese State University.
McNeffew State University.
McAuntt State University.
McUnccle State University.

Seton Hall University.
Seton Vestibule University.
Seton Bathroom University.
Seton Bedroom University.

Sam Houston State University.
Sam Walton State University.
Sam I Am State University.
Son of Sam State University.

South Dakota School of Mines and Technology.
Colorado School of Mines.
Wyoming School of Ditches.
Montana School of Holes in the Ground.

BU.
BYU.
NYU.
BYOB.

Clemson University.
Jebson University.
Abnerson University.
DaisyMaeson University.

Clarkson University.
Loisson University.
Jimmyson University.

Stephen F. Austin State University.
Steve Austin State University.
Bionic Woman State University.

Tufts University.
Locks University.
Bald Spot University.

Tulane University.
Forlane University.
Atelane University.

Baruch College.
The Weizmann Institute.
Hofstra University.
Brandeis University.
Carasso University.

Emory University.
Nail Clippor University.
Polish Removor University.

Fordham University.
Chryslerporkshoulder University.
Generalmotorspigsfeet University.

Universite’ de Montre’al.
Universite’ Laval.
Universite’ Trudeau.
Universite’ Mulroney.

University of Central Florida.
University of EPCOT Center.
University of Disney World.

Bowie State University.
Butcher State University.
Ginsu State University.
Swiss Army State University.

Angelo State University.
Giuseppe State University.
Mario State University.
Cosa Nostra State University.

Mitsubishi Information Technology Labs.
NEC Research Institute.

Florida Atlantic University.
Florida Pacific University.
Florida Indian University.
Florida Arctic University.

Carnegie Mellon University.
Carnegie Cucummber University.
Carnegie Zucchinni University.

College of William and Mary.
College of Bonnie and Clyde.
College of George and Gracie.
College of Frankie and Johnny.
College of Jimmy and Rosalyn.
College of Ronnie and Nancy.
College of Andy and Fergie.

Cornell University.
Wheatell University.
Barleyell University.
Buckwheatell University.

Dartmouth University.
Dartnostril University.
Dartrectum University.

Duke University.
Viscount University.
Baronet University.
Knight University.
Commoner University.

Ferris State University.
Roller Coaster State University.

Florida International University.
Florida National University.
Florida State University.
Florida County University.
Florida Local University.
Florida Neighborhood University.
Florida Backyard University.
Florida Garage University.

Grand Valley State University.
Small Valley State University.
Piffling Little Valley State University.
Large Flood Plain State University.

Hunter College.
Fisherman College.
Camper College.
Backpacker College.

Lehigh University.
Lelow University.
Leinbetween University.

Colgate University.
Crest University.
Gleem University.
Close-Up University.
Pearl Drops Tooth Polish University.

Nova University.
Duster University.
Pinto University.
Super Beetle University.

Old Dominion University.
New Dominion University.
Dominions, Principalities, and Powers University.
Mark-Jason Dominionus University.

IBM T. J. Watson Research Center.
IBM T. J. Hooker Research Center.
IBM J. T. Kirk Research Center.

Southern Methodist University.
Southern Baptist University.
Primitive Baptist University.
Holy Roller University.

Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology.
Daisy-Hulman Institute of Technology.
Delphinium-Hulman Institute of Technology.
Chrysanthemum-Hulman Institute of Technology.

Our Lady of the Angels College.
Our Lady of the Elms College.
Our Lady of the Night College.

Prentiss Normal and Industrial Institute.
Prentiss Abnormal and Industrial Institute.
Prentiss Abnormal and Interior Decoration Institute.

Grinnell College.
Smilell College.
Smirkell College.

Dalhousie University.
Sandboxie University.
Playgroundequipmentie University.

Simon Fraser University.
Simon Magus University.
Simon Templar University.
Simon Legree University.

Illinois Benedictine College.
Illinois Dominican College.
Illinois Trappist College.
Illinois Carthusian College.

Illinois Benedictine College.
Illinois Benedictine and Brandy College.
Illinois Drambuie College.
Illinois Grand Marnier College.

Kent State University.
Winston State University.
Marlboro State University.
Camel Wides State University.

College of Wooster.
College of Jeeves.
College of Pinker.
College of Fink-Nottle.

Villanova University.
Bossa Nova University.
Chevy Nova University.

Slippery Rock State College.
Crocodile Rock State College.
Jailhouse Rock State College.
Rock Around the Clock State College.
Go Crawl Under a Rock State College.

Smith College.
Jones College.
John Doe College.
John Q. Public College.

Sarah Lawrence College.
Sarah Bernhardt College.
Sarah Jane Smith College.
Sara Lee College.

Holy Apostles College.
Holy Names College.
Holy Family College.
Holy Toledo College.

Sweet Briar College.
Sweet and Sour Briar College.
Twice Cooked Briar College.
Szechwan Briar With Hot Bean Curd and Crispy Noodles College.

Grambling State University.
Smroking State University.
Drrinking State University.
Whroring State University.

Creighton University.
Cardboard Bachson University.
Shipping Contaigneron University.
Mailing Tyoobon University.

Worcester Polytechnic Institute.
Teriyaki Polytechnic Institute.
Soy Polytechnic Institute.
A-1 Steak Polytechnic Institute.
Heinz 57 Steak Polytechnic Institute.

Case Western Reserve University.
Case Eastern Loquacity University.
Case Southern Charm University.
Case Midwestern Folksiness University.

Tuskegee Institute.
Hornegee Institute.
Antleregee Institute.

Oberlin College.
Oberkellner College.
Oberkommando College.
Oberbuergermeister College.

Millikin University.
Rutherferd University.
Schroedingor University.
Einsteen University.

Bowling Green State University.
Bowling Alley State University.
Bowling Pin State University.
Bowling Jacket State University.
Bowling Shoes State University.
Bowling Trophy State University.

Bob Jones University.
Bob Hope University.
Bob Barker University.
Bob Newhart University.
Bob Evans Restaurant University.
J. R. “Bob” Dobbs University.

Open Bible College.
Closed Bible College.
Open Just a Crack Bible College.
Liberty Baptist College.
Equality Baptist College.
Fraternity Baptist College.
French Revolutionary Baptist College.

Don’t worry. Take your cap and go get me 40 lbs of potatoes at the store.

——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! Why do other kids tell me I have a long nose?

You don’t, but lift your head up or you’ll scrape the floor.

——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! Are you sure this is how to learn to swim?

Shut up and get back in the sack!

——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! How come sister gets to watch TV and I can’t?

Shut up or I’ll cut your ears off, too!

——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! Don’t push me towards the elevator shAAAAAFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!

All right, you can take another slice.

——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! I don’t want to empty the compost heap.

Shut up and keep eating.

——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! I don’t like fishing.

Shut up and stop squirming.

——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! Suzi got run over by a steamroller.

Shut up. I’m in the bathroom, slide her under the door.

[Alt answer] Shut up and get the maple syrup.

——————————————————————————–
“Come upstairs, son, like a good boy.”

“No, Mommy, you’ll only throw me down again.”

Shut up and eat your french fries!

——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! When will we have this nice yellow pudding again?

Shut up, you know that grandma’s leg is no longer infested.

——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! Why is my hair so slimy?

Shut up, you little snot.

——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! I don’t like Sister!

Shut up, and keep eating!

——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! I’d like to play marbles now!

Keep quiet, you can’t use Grandpa’s glass eye today!

Shut up and step on the gas!

——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! I don’t want to see Niagara Falls!

Shut up and get back in the barrel!

——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! Is this the way to make pickles?

Shut up and get back in the barrel!

——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! Daddy went through the meat grinder!

Shut up and eat your hamburger!

——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! How will we ever find Daddy on this golf course?

Shut up and search the sand traps!

Shut up and get your hat from the garage, so your father can bring the car in!

——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! Can I play in the sandbox?

Not until I find a better place to bury Daddy.

——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! Why can’t we give Dad a decent burial?

Shut up and keep flushing.

——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! Daddy’s on fire!

Shut up and get the marshmallows!

——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! Daddy fell in the campfire!

Shut up and get the barbecue sauce!

Shut up and eat around it.

——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! Why can’t we get a garbage compactor?

Shut up and chew!

——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! Daddy’s too tough!

Shut up and keep chewing!

——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! Why can’t I play with the other kids?

Shut up and deal.

——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! My head hurts!

Shut up and get away from the dart board!

Shut up or I’ll grind your other hand.

——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! I hate tomato juice!

Shut up and drink it before it clots.

——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! What’s a vampire?

Shut up and eat your soup before it clots.

——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! I don’t like tomato soup!

Shut up, we only have it once a month.

——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! I hate spaghetti!

Shut up or I’ll pull the veins out of your other arm.

Shut up and shoot again!

——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! I don’t wanna visit grandma!

Shut up and keep digging.

——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! Can I lick the bowl?

Shut up and flush.

——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! I’m sick of learning how to swim!

Shut up or I’ll flush it again!

——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! It’s cold and dark and damp down here.

Shut up or I’ll flush it again.

Well throw some more gasoline on him then.

——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! I don’t want to go to Australia.

Shut up son and keep swimming.

——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! Why are we pushing the car off the cliff?

Shut up son, you’ll wake your father.

——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! I keep running in circles.

Shut up or I’ll nail your other foot to the floor.

——————————————————————————–
Mommy, Mommy! Why’s everybody running?

Shut up and reload.