He asked the monk what was the significance of the two. The monk explained that in the Chinese system of yin and yang, positives must always be balanced by negatives, and having the two statues ensures that the universal balance was maintained.

“This statue of the woman is the Goddess of Mercy, Kuan-Yin.”

“What about the other one?” asked the tourist.

“This one is the God of No Mercy, Kuan-Yew.”

So Char Siew Pao went to round up Leng Yong Pau and Tau Sar Pow.

Just then, Maggi Mee walked around the corner. Immediately, the Paos started to beat him up.

As Char Siew Pao was punching Maggi Mee, he shouted, “Don’t think just because you perm your hair, we can’t recognize you, okay!”

Singapore is PAP,
Government wants Money.
Lee Kuan Yew is property,
Lee Hsien Loong is stamp duty,
Mah Bow Tan is COE,
Lim Hng Kiang is HDB
Richard Hu is GST
Tony Tan is ARMY,
Yeo Cheow Tong is JTC,
Tarmugi is ‘apa ini?’,
Lim Boon Heng talks NTUC,
BG Yeo talks health subsidy
Ong Teng Cheong si cho si mi?
Goh Chok Tong is temporary,
PAP is one happy family,
Join them get high salary.
Fight them and you sure mati!

Two American men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- They both had the lady TOGETHER.

Two French men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- They killed the lady to have EACH OTHER.

Two Indonesian men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- The first man claimed that island is independent and took the lady as his advisor.
- The second man swam to another island to search for jobs.

Two Thai men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- The first man rented the lady to the second man for 2 baht a night.

Two Filipino men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- The first man kidnapped the lady and asked for ransom from the other man.

Two Malaysian men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- The lady ACCUSED the first man of sodomizing the other because she was rejected by both.

Two Singaporean men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- The two men are still waiting for instructions from the GOVERNMENT on how to proceed.

On hearing Mahathirs woes, PM Goh said, “Simple, Mahathir, I choose able men for my cabinet.” Mahathir asked, “Yes, but how do you know that they are able?”

PM Goh replied, “Just ask them simple questions to test their intelligence, don’t need to be too difficult. Let me illustrate to you.” Just then, Tony Tan was walking by, PM Goh called out to him, “Hey Tony, come over here.” Tony obediently walked briskly over.

PM Goh asked, “Tell me, Tony, who is your fathers son ?” Tony Tan immediately replied, “Me! Of course.”

PM Goh turned to Mahathir and said, “See, all my ministers can answer this question. Why don’t you go back and try.” Mahathir thank PM Goh and left.

Once he was back, he immediately summoned Anwar, his deputy, and shot the question at him, “Tell me, Anwar, who is your father’s son ?” Anwar was shocked beyond words and did not know the answer. After a while, he recovered and said, “Boss, let me find out and I’ll tell you tomorrow.” Mahathir, a bit disappointed, agreed, hoping that Anwar will give a good answer tomorrow.

Meanwhile, Anwar was panicking that his boss was testing him. He tried desperately to find out the answer from his staff, but none of them knew the answer. The next morning,
he decided to call Bill Clinton for help. Surely the most powerful person in the world must know the answer.

When Bill picked up the phone, Anwar said, “Hello, Bill, can I ask you a question?” Clinton, very busy, replied, “Alright, but it better be good !” Anwar quickly asked, “Tell me, Bill, who is your father’s son ?” Clinton was fuming, “Of course it’s me, you stupid !” and he slammed the phone down.

Satisfied that he’s got the answer, he confidently walked into Mahathir’s office and said, “Boss, I’ve got the answer to your question.” Mahathir, happy that his deputy wasn’t that dumb, said, “So tell me quick, who is your fathers son, Anwar ?”

Anwar confidently replied, “It’s BILL CLINTON !”

Mahathir slapped his own forehead in disgust and said, “No you stupid, it’s TONY TAN !”

“Suicide is a deadly serious matter of life or death,” said Minister for Suicide Mr. Yeow Teow Loh. “We cannot let citizens decide important things by their own hands and affect our manpower projections.”

The MOS has written a white paper, and will be tabling it for debate in the next parliamentary session.

The Suicide and Miscellaneous Manpower Offences Bill calls for those attempting suicide to face a maximum sentence of life imprisonment.

However, repeat offenders will face the death penalty.

“We believe that the strongest possible sentence will deter offenders,” said Mr. Yeow.

The move has been welcomed by EuthanAsians, an Asian right to death pressure and support group.

“We back the new death policy,” said Dr. Mao Mah Tee, president of EuthanAsians. “And we will do whatever it takes to get the bill passed. Die-die must become legislation.”

Minister Yeow continued, “The Bill is not yet complete. We may not have jurisdiction over successful suicides. As they have gone beyond, we don’t know if we can catch them. But we are confident. After all, God is on our side.”

Meanwhile, local right-to-life activists have vowed to ensure that the Bill reaches Parliament dead-on-arrival.

Let me show you.” and he called his driver Ah Beng over and said “Ah Beng, here is a 10 dollar note, go to the car showroom and buy me a Mercedes.” to which Ah Beng replied, “Yes Sir! right away!” and rushed off to the showroom.

The rich man turned to his friend and said, “See, I told you he was stupid.” The other rich man said, “That’s nothing, you want to see stupid, I will show you stupid.” and he called his driver, Ali. “Ali, go home now and check to see if I’m at home.” to which Ali said, “Yes Sir, right away Sir.” and ran home. “See what I told you? He doesn’t even have enough brains to know that I cannot be at home if I am here.”

Later on, the two drivers met on the road. Ah Beng said to Ali, “Eh, you know my boss is sooo stupid. He gave me 10 dollars and ask me to go to the car showroom and buy him a Mercedes….. Doesn’t he know that today is Sunday lah, the showroom is closed!”
Ali replied, “You think he is stupid ah? My boss lagi worse, he asked me to go home to check if he is at home…. He got hand phone what, can just call up to check lah!!!!”

However, someone mixed up the babies by mistake, and the nurses couldn’t differentiate between them.

However, the head sister had a bright idea. She lined the babies up in front of her and exclaimed, “Heil Hitler!”

At hearing this, the German baby raised his arm in a salute, while the Jewish baby soiled his diapers. In the meantime, the Singaporean baby turned to the Filipino baby and said, “Clean that up!”

Version 1 : When Raffles stepped out of his boat on to Boat Quay, a man was running by announcing the birth of his son in hokkien. ‘see ta poh, see ta poh’

Version 2 : I thought the story was like this : The malay/indian king, Parameswara, was sleeping under a tree and was dreaming. He was rudely awakened by an animal resembling a lion. So, out of shock, he screamed ‘ Singa porda ! Singa porda ‘ (which means, ‘lion, get lost!’)

Version 3 : When Raffles sailed up the Singapore river for the first time, a malay lady was bathing in the river, having left her clothes on the river bank. A singh came by and stole her clothes. The upset lady started shouting after him, ‘Singh Kapoh, Singh Kapoh’…

Version 4 :’Singapore’ was actually translated from the name ‘Singapura’ in Bahasa Malaysia. Story goes that there was a prince that came to our island many many years ago, on an exploration trip. Then he suddenly saw a lion and he named our island ‘Singapura’, which means lion.

Imagine if he had seen a pig instead of a lion. (‘pig’ in Malay is ‘Babi’)

‘What’s it like in there?’ asked Ah Meng.

‘Well,’ he replied , ‘In Malaysia Hell, they flay you alive, boil you in oil, chain you to a rock and let a vulture tear your liver out, and cut you up into small pieces with sharp knives.’

‘That’s terrible!’ gasped Ah Meng. ‘I’m going to check out Singapore Hell!’ He went over to Singapore Hell, where he discovered a huge line of people waiting to get in. The line circled around the lobby seven times before receding off into the horizon. Ah Meng pushed his way through to the head of the line, where he found An Gu busily signing people in. An Meng asked Ah Gu what Singapore Hell was like.

‘In Singapore Hell,’ said An Gu impatiently, ‘they flay you alive, boil you in oil, chain you to a rock and let vultures tear out your liver, and cut you up into small pieces with sharp knives.’

‘But … but that’s the same as Malaysia Hell!’ protested Ah Meng.

‘True,’ sighed An Gu, ‘but sometimes we don’t have oil, sometimes we don’t have knives…