Countries Jokes

Q: Did you hear about the new American Express Card they are issuing in Red China?
A: You never leave home.

You know you have been in Russia too long when …
You have to think twice about throwing away the empty instant coffee jar.
You carry a plastic shopping bag with you “just in case.”
You say he/she is “on the meeting” (as opposed to the more proper “at the” or “in a” meeting).
You answer the phone […]

A Briton, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden. “Look at their reserve, their calm,” muses the Brit. “They must be British.”
“Nonsense,” the Frenchman disagrees. “They’re naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French.”
“No way! They have no clothes and no shelter,” the […]

What is Communism?
The Poles say it’s the longest and most painful of the roads to capitalism.

What did the Romanian people light their houses with before they started using candles?
Electricity.

A young member of the German communist party went to his senior comrade with a strange request: he wanted permission from the Party to emigrate to West Germany. (It is only with the permission of the Party that people are allowed to leave East Germany. Often it is “granted” as a method of eliminating people […]

A Russian party-official arrives late at night to his hotel (in Russia). He is not surprised to find that his reservation has been mislaid but he is more than a little peeved that his status in the party isn’t enough to get him a good room anyway. However, the clerk insists, the only bed they […]

Little Boy: What will communism be like when perfected?
His Father: Everyone will have what he needs.
Little Boy: But what if there is a shortage of meat?
His Father: There will be a sign in the butcher shop saying, “No one needs meat today.”

A dejected Communist Party candidate trudges home after the polls close. “So, Marek, how many votes did you get?” asks his wife. “Two,” he responds. She slaps him hard across the face. “What was that for?”
“You have a mistress, now do you!!?”

Every philosophy is like looking for a black cat in a dark room; Marxist philosophy is like looking for a black cat in a dark room, but the cat isn’t there; Soviet philosophy is like looking for a black cat in a dark room, the cat isn’t there, but you keep shouting “I’ve found it! […]