Lots of Jokes to Make You Laugh
The Top 10 Signs You’re Flying On A Bad Airline The engine’s being held on by duct tape. You see the Gorilla from those old Samsonite commercials running loose up and down the aisles. In-flight movie has “Ernest” in its title. Pilot informs you that you’re at cruising altitude and he’s gonna put the top [...]
The Top Signs That Your Net Relationship Is Over All of a sudden, she’s typing in a different font. Instead of hearing that lovely “You’ve Got Mail” statement when you use America OnLine, you hear “You Just Got Dumped!” Your connection to his server is constantly refused. You get a Dear John E-mai…Your name is [...]
The Top 10 Signs That Its Time To Do The Laundry You’re wearing your last pair of underwear in the shower consistently. You’ve worn your sheets to school because you can’t get them off of you. Your socks act like a shirt does when its heavily starched and emit a serious funk. Your roommate walks [...]
The Top 10 Things Overheard In A Tax Preparer’s Office Prior To The Tax Filing Deadline No sir, the government does not want you to pay your taxes in pennies. I have a hard time believing that a garbage collector made $150,000 last year so for the last time, DID YOU HAVE ANY OTHER SOURCE [...]
The Top 10 Reasons Not To Stay in West Virginia Contrary to what the lousy song says, Country Roads do NOT always take you home. You dream of a life that will involve a paved road. You grow tired of tourists stopping by, asking for directions to the state of “South Virginia”, and driving off [...]
The Top 10 Things To Check The Salad Bar Before You Load Your Plate Up Anything that’s moving. Green Carrots. Moldy Croutons. Body parts. Blood in the French Dressing. A cucumber slice with a bite out of it. I’ve seen the movie…they could be there so watch out for Killer Tomatoes!!! Lettuce that closely resembles [...]
The Top 10 Things You Should Not Say To A Security Guard When Caught Stealing Coins From A Mall Fountain “Isn’t there a robbery at the Orange Julius you should be investigating?” I’m searching for a hard to find 1998 nickel.” “DUH!! The Gap is having a sale!” “Did you know that it now costs [...]
The Top 10 Good Error Messages On The Brand New $7000 Computer You Just Bought “That URL was not found because frankly, I didn’ try hard enough.” “If you continue to type that way, you’ll get Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.” “The Server is not really down, its just mildly depressed.” “Normally, I would complain but I’ll [...]
The Top 10 Reasons That Parents Send Kids To School To scope out any single teachers for Daddy. To learn that useful Algebra stuff that every McDonald’s manager uses daily. No cable at home so the kids watch it at school and fill you in at dinner. After the same damn episode of Barney 2500 [...]
The Top Signs You’re In A Bad Nursing Home Its named Heaven’s Waiting Room. Cheap TV antenna can’t pick up Xena: Warrior Princess. Defibrilator doubles as a remote control. Its named Matlock Manor. No furniture in it outside of beds and lots of caskets. Radio stations alternate between Glenn Miller and broadcasting Last Rites in [...]