Category Archive for 'Top Ten List Jokes'

To do in space station

Friday, July 1st, 2005

The Top 10 Things To Do While Confined In A Space Station
Roll down the window and throw beer cans at passing satellites.
Play some rather boring games of Solitaire.
Try to bust that myth of Lays Potato Chips: Betcha Can’t Eat Just One!
Come up with as many wacky Top 10 List Topics as possible […]

Terrible history teacher

Friday, July 1st, 2005

The Top 10 Signs You Have A Bad History Teacher
Constantly gets Indonesia and Outdonesia confused.
As incentive for learning, when you name a state capital, you get to take a shot.
Insists that one of Popes during the Roman empire was Pope Bubba.
Thinks that Mussolini was Hitler’s favorite pasta.
Counts Puerto Rico, Mexico and […]

Must be out of shape

Friday, July 1st, 2005

The Top Signs You’re Out of Shape
You’ve ever torn something just trying to turn off the alarm clock.
People at work only refer to you by saying “Hey fatso!”
You’ve thrown your back out by carrying a bag of groceries.
Random strangers come up, poke you in the stomach and expect you to giggle.
Your […]

Very bad private eye

Friday, July 1st, 2005

The Top Signs That You’ve Hired A Bad Private Eye
Considers reading “The Hardy Boys Mysteries” actually helpful reasearch.
He has a pet basset hound named “Flash” that acts as his trusty assistant.
His best disguise is wearing a hat.
Keeps getting confused and follows you all the time.
Won’t read any messages without his trusty […]

Excuses for speeding

Friday, July 1st, 2005

The Top Bad Excuses For Speeding
“This is my tryout for Nascar.”
“I’ve got to get back to Amish Country before they realize that I am missing.”
“That McDonald’s offer is for a Limited Time only and buddy, that could run out at ANYTIME!”
“I’m trying to rush home for the new Hanson video debut on […]

You have a boring job

Friday, July 1st, 2005

The Top Signs That You Have A Boring Job
You’re introduced to everyone as “The Minesweeper God”.
You have visited every website in the world.
You’re the Spelling Bee Coordinator in rural Alabama.
You are the only one that is ready for the rush of ticket sales for that New Kids on the Block reunion tour. […]

Internet crime heroes

Friday, July 1st, 2005

The Top 10 Superheroes Needed To Fight Cybercrime
Inspector Gadget
Chief Wiggum from the Simpsons
Captain America On Line
The Wonder Barbi Twins
The Silver Surfer
The XXX Men(they handle strictly cyber porn)
Up in the sky, wearing glasses, a big letter E on his chest and a “Nets”cape, its Bill Gates as GEEKMAN!!!
DBase Ventura […]

Bad to say at funerals

Friday, July 1st, 2005

Top Things You Should Not Say At A Funeral
Geez, what died in here?
He looks natural but those shoes do not go with that dress.
Nice service…where’s the keg?
When did he die…really…hey Bob, you won the pool!!!
Hey, we’re with the Publisher Clearing House Prize Patrol and we’re looking for…oh, never mind.
Don’t look […]

Santa must be drinking

Friday, July 1st, 2005

The Top 10 Signs That Santa Has Been Drinking
While your child is on his lap, he tells them they’re not getting his Bud Light.
You see his sleigh pulled over and the police with a breathlyzer.
Those darn milk and cookies never worked but the Jack Daniels does!
You don’t remember getting a request […]

Bad at an office party

Friday, July 1st, 2005

The Top Don’ts At The Office Christmas Party
Don’t go up to your boss and make the comparison of him with Santa because he’s fat, jolly and only works one day out of the year.
Don’t put your boss in a sleeper hold just to bargain for a better salary.
Don’t offer anyone a hit from […]