“Don’t worry, son. Your mother will come back. She’s only bringing people babies and making them happy.”

The next night, it’s father’s turn to do the job. Mother and son are sitting in the nest, and the baby stork is crying again. The mother says,

“Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now he’s bringing joy to new mommies and daddies.”

A few days later, the stork’s parents are desperate because their son has been absent from the nest all night! Shortly before dawn, he returns and the parents ask him where he’s been all night.

The baby stork says, “Nowhere. Just scaring the hell out of college students!”

The next sign read – This bull mated 200 times last year!! The wife again said, “You could really learn from this one, Babe!”

The last bulls sign read – This bull mated 365 times last year!!! The wife said, “Honey, WOW! This bull mated once a day! You should really learn from this bull!”

The husband answered, “Why don’t you go and ask his owner if it was with the same cow though!”

This went on for many months and the wife was going crazy with boredom. Then one day at a pet store, the wife saw this big, ugly, snorting bird with a hairy chest, powerful hairy forearms, beady eyes and dribble running down the side of its mouth.

The shopkeeper, observing her fascination with the bird, told her it was a special imported “Goony bird” and it had a very peculiar trait. To demonstrate, he exclaimed, “Goony bird! The table!”

Immediately, the Goony bird flew off its perch and with single-minded fury attacked the table and smashed it into a hundred little pieces with its powerful forearms and claws! To demonstrate some more, the shopkeeper said, “Goony bird! The shelf!”

Again the Goony bird turned to the shelf and demolished it in seconds.

“Wow!” said the wife, “If this doesn’t attract my husband’s attention, nothing will!” So she bought the bird and took it home.

When she entered the house, the husband was, as usual, sprawled on the sofa guzzling beer and watching the game. “Honey!” she exclaimed, “I’ve got a surprise for you! A Goony bird!”

The husband, in his usual bored tone replied, “Goony Bird, my foot!”

The guide turned to him and said “Drums OK, but VERY BAD when they stop.”

Then, after some hours, the drums suddenly stopped! This hit the anthropologist like a ton of bricks, and he yelled at the guide: “The Drums have stopped, what happens now?”

The guide crouched down, covered his head with his hands and said, “Bass Solo”.

As the drivers are equally stubborn, neither of them wants to reverse.

They angrily look one at the other.

Finally, one of them picks up a newspaper and starts reading.

The other one politely asks, “When you’ve finished the paper, will you please bring it over, and let me read it?”

rabbit- i wish i had a model-t.

bear- i wish all the bears in my country were female.

rabbit- i wish i had a motorcycle.

bear- i wish all the bears in the world were female.

rabbit- i wish all the bears in the world were gay!

Scooby’s Doo!

What’s even grosser than that?

Scrappy’s lickin’ it!

The owner takes him into the backroom. “This one here’s the best one we’ve got”

“I want to see him in action,” said the man.

The owner takes the man out in the field beside the shop. He let the dog loose into the field. “However many barks is how many rabbits is in that field”

The dog barked three times, and a few minutes later, brought back three rabbits.

‘I’ll take it,” said the man.

The next day, he went hunting with the dog. He let him loose in the field. The dog barked four times, and brought back four rabbits.

Two days later, they went hunting again, this time in the woods. The man let the dog loose and waited. The dog barked six times, and brought back six rabbits.

The next weekend, they again went hunting in the woods. The man let the dog loose. To his surprise, the dog came back with a stick. The man cursed him, and threw the stick back in the woods. The dog went back in and came out with another stick.

The man was stumped, and went back to the shop where he bought the dog. He told the owner what happened.

“You idiot,”said the owner,”He was trying to tell you that there was more rabbits in those woods than you can shake a stick at!!!”