Jokes

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can’t be found. So he drives the farmer’s [...]

One day a guy walked into a pet store to buy a parrot. He found one that he liked and went up to the counter to buy it. The store clerk saw which parrot he had picked out and said, ”That parrot repeats everything he hears.” ”That’s alright,” the man replied. So the man bought [...]

Three mice are at a bar, having drinks, talking about how tough they are. The first mouse slams down a shot of booze, says, “Let me tell you how tough I am.” I spot a trap and go for the cheese. When it snaps, I snatch the bar and bench press it 20 or so [...]

Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night, trying to impress each other about how tough they are. The first mouse throws down a shot of bourbon, slams the empty glass onto the bar, turns to the second mouse and says, “When I see a mousetrap, I lie [...]

In a very small alley two trucks driving in opposite directions meet. As the drivers are equally stubborn, neither of them wants to reverse. They angrily look one at the other. Finally, one of them picks up a newspaper and starts reading. The other one politely asks, “When you’ve finished the paper, will you please [...]

In a very small alley two trucks driving in opposite directions meet. As the drivers are equally stubborn, neither of them wants to reverse. They angrily look one at the other. Finally, one of them picks up a newspaper and starts reading. The other one politely asks, “When you’ve finished the paper, will you please [...]

Swiss mountain guides who always do the same trails can get tired answering the same questions over and over. One time an English tourist was giving his guide an especially hard time with silly questions. They were walking through a mountain valley that was strewn with rocks, and the traveler asked, “How did these rocks [...]

An American man, a Russian man, and an African man were all up in a hot-air balloon together. After a few minutes, the Russian man put his hand down through the clouds. “Aaah!” he said. “We’re right over my homeland.” “How can you tell?” asked the American. “I can feel the cold air.” he replied. [...]

As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the co-pilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system. “Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when a [...]

Heard on a public transportation vehicle in Orlando. “When you exit the bus, please be sure to lower your head and watch your step.” “If you miss your step and hit your head, please lower your voice and watch your language. Thank you.”